tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-124575042024-03-13T23:39:03.400-07:00pfamilygalYet still I belong to You...Ps.73:23Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.comBlogger207125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-8235401104147696502015-05-01T08:49:00.002-07:002015-05-01T08:49:32.134-07:00PortionI have really been enjoying Matt Maher's new album, Saints and Sinners. My current favorite song is "Everything is Grace." (You can listen to it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39ctUx1vWO8">here</a>.) With all the changes and upheaval in my life lately, the <a href="http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mattmaher/everythingisgrace.html">lyrics</a> really speak to me.<br />
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Especially this line: "My portion, the only thing I know, You are enough." This echoes the Psalmist, who repeatedly affirms the sufficiency of God in our life. I've heard this over and over and repeated it without really thinking about what it means. <br />
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I began meditating on the concept recently and realized that I've been looking at God like I look at food. I've struggled with my weight throughout my adult life and I'm constantly refusing treats or second portions. The kids will give me sweets or encourage me to eat fattening foods and I refuse, saying that I'm satisfied with the healthy things I've chosen. Which is a lie, because Cookie Butter is delicious and so is bread. But I stick to the party line, trying to convince myself that I am satisfied with the healthy option. The word "portion" itself speaks of deprivation and sacrifice because it seems small and whittled.<br />
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So when I think of God as my portion, it seems like sacrifice as well. As if He is the tiny bit of healthy food I allow myself when I am sticking to my diet. I mouth the words that He is enough, while still pining for the world in my heart. As if I'm being "good" by pretending to be satisfied with Him. <br />
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I was praying at Mass before the Eucharist a couple weeks ago and as I stared at the crucifix above the altar, the real sufficiency of God as my portion hit my like a load of bricks. He is not diet food. He is the feast. The God who spun the world into existence with a word is my allotment. Mind-boggling, yes? I get excited when I work a little extra and get a larger paycheck, or when I splurge and make a delicious "cheat" meal. And yet I act like a pious beggar when declaring the sufficiency of the Creator and Sustainer of the entire universe as my portion, as if I'm somehow holier for being satisfied with less. As if He is less. And something is wrong here. I've unknowingly gulped satan's lie that God wants to deprive us.<br />
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Do you struggle with this? Does satisfaction in the Lord seem like the false satisfaction of a salad instead of a cheeseburger? I challenge you to meditate on what His sufficiency really means. <br />
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<i>My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Ps 73:26</i><br />
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<br />Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-76871878796864433002015-04-04T06:38:00.000-07:002015-04-04T06:38:47.658-07:00SubstitutesI usually give up Diet Coke for Lent. It's good to get it out of my system and rewire my tastebuds when drinking Diet Coke gets habitual. But this year I decided to try something a bit harder. I gave up Facebook (for the most part, though I did post a prayer request and look up some recipes). <br />
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And it has been hard. Surprisingly hard. I hadn't realized how often I check in on FB. I compulsively reach for the phone as soon as my alarm goes off and scroll through my feed as I get ready to start the day. I scan it while helping Nate with school, while waiting in line at the grocery store, while sitting at stoplights, etc. I am always on. And I am always distracted from dealing with the empty spots in my life.<br />
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I have holes in my life that need to be filled with Christ. I have feelings that need to be dealt with and destructive thought patterns that need addressing. But when I'm constantly distracting myself with social media I can avoid the hard work of facing my loneliness head on. I can find solace in online friendships and avoid seeking interaction with friends here in Texas. I can pretend to be in community while isolating myself in real life.<br />
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But most importantly, I can avoid the soul-searching, life-changing encounters that Christ wants to have with me. I desperately need to be still and let Him reveal things to me about my life and my heart, But that is uncomfortable, and I crave comfort. So I slap on the balm of mindless entertainment, and I ignore the anxiety and fear and despair that He wants to heal. I pretend to be too busy to pray, when in reality I am too frightened to allow Him real intimacy. I gladly trade intimacy with Him for amusement with the masses. And I wonder why I still feel empty and anxious at the end of the day.<br />
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I'm not saying FB is bad or that I won't continue to use social media. But like anything else, it can become an idol for me. A substitute for what I really need and what I was really created for. I seek comfort when I really need the Comforter. So I'm coming out of Lent determined to use social media rightly. As a tool, not as an idol. And I pray God grants me the grace to bravely seek Him, even when it is uncomfortable to see what my heart really looks like.<br />
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What idols are in your life? What substitutes have you been using to avoid intimacy with Christ?<br />
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<br />Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-75204130321291402072015-03-22T16:30:00.003-07:002015-03-22T16:36:48.751-07:00Just enoughSo it's been almost two years since my back surgery, and it's still a struggle. Most days, even if I wake up without pain, I'm in pain by lunchtime and limp to bed in the evening. The constant, nagging ache and burn drags on me. Anyone who has known chronic pain knows the despair that creeps in. The unrelenting discomfort of long nights tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. The invites that are refused from fatigue and weariness. The isolation that closes in like draperies that block all light and joy. The fear that this present pain, this ever-present pain, is all that awaits this side of eternity...<br />
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And I feel crushed. <br />
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Weighed down.<br />
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Like I can't crawl from beneath the covers and face another day dragging myself through the motions and fighting like mad to keep my cool when my body wants to fail. Like I will never be the mom or wife I want to be, because I just can't. I have challenging children and a demanding job and I can't slow down. <br /><br />
But I can't keep up.<br />
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And I'm crippled by fear of the future.<br />
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I was reading <u>The Screwtape Letters</u> earlier this week and was pierced by one of the things Lewis wrote. In the book, Screwtape exhorts his underling to get his patient fixated on the future, saying that if the patient focuses on the future he will become so overwhelmed by what <i>could</i> be, either good or bad, that he will be open to sin (pride, fear, etc) because of his hopes or fears for the future. <br />
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And I realized I have fallen so far into this trap. So far into the pit of trying to bear up under what I perceive to be my lot. I have been trying to muster the strength and virtue to somehow endure the pain with cheerfulness until death. Today. Which is ridiculous. I don't know what the future holds. God willing, I will wake up tomorrow healed. Or not. Either way, His grace will be enough.<br />
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Either my God will deliver me, or He will give me grace to bear my cross. And I must, must stop trying to hoard grace to meet my fears. His hands are safe and His provision is abundant. Just as the children of Israel were impotent to gather tomorrow's manna today, I cannot and indeed need not gather today what He promises tomorrow, His promises can be trusted and I can rest in the perfect assurance that He will be the same tomorrow as He has been today.<br />
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How is God meeting you in your present ambiguities? How is His grace enough for you today?Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-55301929656681194002014-04-08T14:06:00.003-07:002014-04-08T14:06:48.400-07:00Umm, yeah, not exactly what I was going for thereSo I read <a href="http://drkellyflanagan.com/2014/01/15/words-from-a-father-to-his-daughter-from-the-makeup-aisle/">this story</a> the other day and the last line caused me to burst out in unexpected tears. I decided to try his words with Leah Claire. I'd just given her a bath and as I helped her get her jammies on I was telling her how smart and kind and precious she is to me. I stopped, looked deep into her baby blues and asked her, "Where are you the most beautiful?" <br />
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She wrinkled her nose, considering the question for a few seconds. Then she flipped over on the bed and pointed to her behind, saying "I think here. Because I have have a very cute butt." <br />
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Umm, yeah. Not exactly what I was going for there. I guess deep, introspective questions are beyond the grasp of a three year old. Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-64348329294191706152014-04-05T23:12:00.001-07:002014-04-05T23:29:41.692-07:00Swimming the TiberSo, it's been a while since I've written. Far too long, in fact. But there have been so many questions rolling around in my head for so long that I really felt I had little to write about. Unless my readers wanted a list of all my concerns and doubts, I felt I had little to offer. I knew I was dissatisfied with the fundamentalist patriarchal "gospel," but I was equally dissatisfied and disillusioned with the liberal emerging church dogma I found in my return to the United Methodist Church. (I realize that there is much disparity in teaching among UM churches. The church of my youth, St Peter UMC, is faithful and orthodox. Others, I have found, are not so faithful to the teachings of the Bible. The final straw for me was reading the official position of the UMC on abortion. It states that while they don't believe that abortion should be used for birth control, eugenics or gender-selection, they do understand that abortion is sometimes justified. I cannot see Jesus saying it is okay or justified to murder an unborn child.) So I searched. And prayed. And searched some more. I made lists of doctrines that confused me and questions that I needed answered.<br />
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Realizing that many modern churches claim to base their worship on the New Testament church of Acts, I went back to the teachings of the early Church fathers like St Clement and St Irenaeus to see how they described the meeting of the early Christians. And what struck me most was the emphasis on the reading of the Word and the celebration of the Lord's Supper. And startlingly, how adamant the early Fathers were about the Real Presence in the Eucharist. Our old church celebrated the Lord's Supper each week, but made a big deal each week about how it was only symbolic and had no power in and of itself. (They also said the same thing about baptism, which struck me as bizarre. I mean, why celebrate the sacraments if they have no power?) But looking at Jesus' first references to the Eucharist in the sixth chapter of John, far before the Last Supper, it seemed like the Real Presence was an indisputable doctrine. When Jesus explained that in order to have eternal life, one must literally chew his flesh, many were dismayed and grumbled about this teaching. It seemed to me that if He only meant for the Eucharist to be symbolic, He would have backtracked and explained that it was all just a metaphor. But He didn't. He stood His ground, saying "'Very truly I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me.'" (John 6:53-57) And then the Bible says many of his disciples left because they could not accept this teaching. After reading this passage several times, coupled with the writings of St Clement and St Irenaeus, I came to the conclusion that there could be no other faithful way to interpret Jesus' words about Communion.<br />
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Looking at the doctrines of various denominations, it became clear that only a select few taught the Real Presence. Roman Catholics and Eastern Orthodox both teach transubstantiation, and Lutherans teach something just short of it - that Christ is truly present in the sacrament, although the species themselves remain bread and wine. So the field narrowed fairly quickly. <br />
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There were several other hurdles I had to clear before I would be able to accept any of those three denominations though. For years I had been frustrated by the lack of female leadership and authority in the fundamentalist churches. I was told that as a woman I was easily deceived and unfit for teaching men or even boys. I was informed that since my eldest son was nearing puberty, I needed to allow my husband to do all his religious instruction since he shouldn't have to be under the authority of a woman. I was further instructed that I could not teach a mixed gender Sunday school class once the kids reached puberty since the boys needed to be taught by men. Women, apparently, were only fit for teaching other women and small children. (Which seemed a rather strange leap in logic to me. If women are so easily deceived, why should we even be allowed to teach each other? By the fundy logic, we wouldn't be able to discern if the other women were teaching heresy. If women are truly more likely to teach error, it seems doubly imperative to have men teaching women and small children. But I digress.) I saw marriages that operated more like corporations with the dad/husband dictating orders like the boss and the mom/wife dutifully carrying them out like some sort of underling. And it made me sad. To me it seemed a perversion of the Biblical ideal of mutual submission and deference. So I was quite wary of looking at churches that seemed to institutionalize the practice of male-centered authority. <br />
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At the time, we were attending an NALC Lutheran Church which ordained women. I was happy there and the kids were making friends and growing. But it still felt like something was missing. Like it was a shade of the truth, but not quite the real thing. But the other two denominations I looked at, RC and EO, both denied women ordination. Still, I felt like I really needed to look deeper into what they taught regarding women and ministry and why they taught it. <br />
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What I found surprised me, as even though the RC and EO did not ordain women, the reasoning behind it was light years away from what I had heard in the fundamentalist churches. It had nothing to do with women's innate ability to teach or lead, or from any supposed weakness or lack of discernment. It had to do with biblical precedent. They reasoned that if any one woman deserved to be appointed as a priest, it would have been the Blessed Virgin Mary, and yet Jesus didn't even ordain His own mother. Instead, he ordained 12 men. Furthermore, the priestly role is to be a stand-in for Christ, ministering as Jesus to the congregation. Jesus was a male, so the priests are male. And although there are not female priests in the RC and EO churches, there are many roles for women. Women can teach anyone, including priests and adult men. Women are missionaries and heads of abbeys and cloisters. Women are even Doctors of the Church, the highest honor given for theological learning in the Roman Catholic Church. And much honor is given to many female saints and to the Blessed Virgin Mary. Men and women alike honor female saints and seek to emulate their holiness. I came to the conclusion that the ideas of a male-only priesthood and the empowerment of women to teach and serve can be compatible.<br />
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But Mary and the saints were yet another potential stumbling block for me as I investigated the more traditional liturgical churches. As a Protestant, I'd been taught that Roman Catholics and Orthodox Christians worship Mary. I'd seen statues and icons and assumed that in praying before them or lighting candles, the congregants were indeed worshiping idols. The Rosary was a mystery to me and I could not see the benefit (in fact, I saw peril) in repeating pleas to Mary for her intercession. But, having found truths the resonated with me when I investigated the Eucharist and the church roles of women more fully, I was willing to dig deeper to see if my assumptions were true. And once again, instead of error, I found truth. Mary is never to be worshiped and neither are the saints. Worship is reserved for God alone. Instead, we are to look at them as holy examples of how a Christ-honoring life looks in many different circumstances. I can ask "what would Jesus do?" in relation to my mothering, but looking at the lives of various saints who actually were mothers, I can see more clearly how to live out my vocation as a mother in a way that brings honor to Christ. Both EO and RC churches teach that death does not separate members of the Body of Christ. So asking a saint to pray for you is not the necromancy or sorcery forbidden in the Old Testament. Instead, it is as simple as asking a friend to pray for you here on Earth. Furthermore, James 5:16 instructs us that the "prayer of a righteous person is very powerful." Whose prayers, then, would be more powerful that those saints who are already sanctified and standing before the throne of God in Heaven? <br />
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I learned that the various teachings about Mary (Immaculate Conception, Assumption, etc) were well established in the early Church and have deep and meaningful reasons behind them. I found comfort in hearing that just as Jesus was the new Adam, so also Mary was the new Eve. As Eve's disobedience brought sin into the world, so Mary's obedient "yes" to God ushered in the birth of the Messiah. Every Christmas in the Protestant churches I'd heard sermons about how Mary was just an ordinary girl who said yes. But I read in RC and EO literature that Mary was without personal sin, having been preemptively saved by the grace of Christ from ever sinning. I learned that even Martin Luther and other Reformers held to the doctrine of the Immaculate Conception of Mary. While the EO denies the doctrine of original sin, the RCC teaches that she was, as the new Ark of the Covenant (Rev. 12), necessarily preserved from original sin so that Jesus himself would be preserved from the stain of original sin. Mary's Assumption, like that of Enoch and Elijah, is a demonstration of the same resurrection we all look forward to as believers. And reading about various Marian apparitions around the world, I noticed one thing in common. They all point to Jesus. Any time Mary has appeared to people, she has deflected all of the honor to her son and instructed believers to love and serve Him more. The Rosary, when said properly, is far from just rote requests for Mary's intercession. Instead, it is a deeply meditative set of prayers in which the believer considers key events in the life of Christ and how they apply to his or her life. I began praying both the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet on a regular basis and was amazed at how much inner peace and strength I gained from the practice.<br />
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Several RC and EO convert friends of mine told me that they struggled at first with the idea of Confession, but this sacrament actually attracted me. Even though many Protestant friends of mine scoffed at the idea of having to go to a priest for absolution, I longed to confess my sins and hear the words of forgiveness. When I finally did convert, I was blown away by how amazing this sacrament is. My first Reconciliation (the official name for Confession) was an hour long. I had six pages of sins written out and while I was so nervous I thought I might toss my cookies, it was so very freeing. I came home afterwards and burned the pages. Since then I've tried to make it a practice to go to Confession about once a month.<br />
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As one by one my theological impediments to entering a liturgical church fell, I began looking at the solae of the Reformation. Growing up Protestant, I'd always assumed that the Reformation was a good, necessary thing and that the solae (Scriptura, gratia, fides, Christus, Deo gloria) were good doctrinal statements. But upon deeper investigation, I found them to be in large part unScriptural and often based on misunderstanding of Traditional teachings. For instance, the Bible itself doesn't call Scripture the sole arbiter of faith. In I Timothy 3:15 we are instructed that church itself is the pillar and foundation of all truth. So I could not hold onto the solae as justified reasons for choosing the Lutheran church. <br />
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With the Lutheran church off the table, I came down to the EO and the RC. The choice between these, for me, came down to what I believed about the apostolic authority of the pope. And after reading the Gospels again, especially Matthew 16, I realized that Jesus had indeed established Peter as the first pope and given us the teaching office of the Church to guide us and keep us from error. I realized that I was ready to wholeheartedly believe that the Roman Catholic Church is the fullest expression of the truth of Jesus Christ here on Earth. While this doesn't mean that individual Catholics or even individual popes are necessarily holy or orthodox, I do believe the words of Jesus when He said that the gates of hell would not prevail against the Church He founded on Simon Peter. <br />
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At this point, I began RCIA (Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults) and entered joyfully into full communion with the Roman Catholic Church on November 24, 2013. My husband is not Catholic, though we often engage in respectful conversations about our faiths. We try as a couple to emphasize our theological similarities and our mutual faith in Jesus Christ. We agreed to allow our children to choose when they get older if they would like to convert. I am sharing with them as I learn more about the faith. Pray for me, that I will become a more faithful Catholic and a more ardent lover of Jesus Christ. Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-29818840045137015672012-10-15T10:13:00.000-07:002012-10-15T10:18:02.488-07:00The end of the storyToday is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Not exactly a holiday you wish to celebrate.<br />
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Five times our family has experienced the joy of expecting a baby, only to be crushed by loss. I know we have been blessed. Six more times, that joy was made complete in the present as I delivered healthy children. But looking around our table, I sometimes still see the missing spots. The longer gaps between children where a brother or sister should have been. And I catch my breath and thank God that <i style="font-weight: bold;">this is not the end of the story. </i><br />
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Someday I will hold those children again: the ones whose feet never touched this earth, but were born directly into the courts of the Living God. Someday He will wipe every tear from our eyes and we will be together again. <br />
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But in the meantime, it still hurts. 1 in 4 known pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Chances are, if you have not had a loss, someone you know has. This October 15, please remember those who grieve. Pray that God will comfort them. Lend your ear and your arms to listen and hug when they need to remember. <br />
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I have been blessed, in a way, in that all my losses were in the first trimester. I never felt my babies move before I had to say a premature goodbye. But there are many, many moms out there who felt the kicks and knew a gender and gave a name before their babies went ahead. Honor those moms by asking how they are doing. Talk about their children by name. A dear friend told me, after losing her full-term baby, that what hurt the most is that no one talked about him. No one wanted to say the wrong thing, so they said nothing. And it made her feel like he had never been real. <br />
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May God Himself comfort all who grieve their babies, and may He daily reassure us that this world is not the end. <br />
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<br />Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-68513059940524146092012-09-27T09:21:00.001-07:002012-09-27T09:43:19.987-07:00On a ledgeFirst, an update on the kiddos.<br />
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School is going well this year. I absolutely think we did the right thing putting the boys in school. The girls are learning so much and I actually feel like we are getting everything done that we should. I am so happy with our arrangement. Nate is loving school and making friends. We are working with the school on his dyslexia therapy and he is making progress. The little boys are transitioning, not without some bumps along the way, into a more structured environment. I think this is good for them, and will help them if/when we decide to homeschool them again. <br />
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And as for me, well, I am here. I've had some major changes in the last few months. I quit my job to be home more, though I am looking for one with a smaller time commitment each month. I left my church, as I could no longer receive in a place that does not allow women to teach men. I found a church where I felt home (thank you, St John the Apostle UMC, for being a safe landing spot for me), but my husband didn't like it. So we are looking for a new church together. I left our homeschool co-op, as I just couldn't handle teaching another class right now, and felt the prevailing winds of the group were too legalistic and patriarchal for me. <br />
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So I've left behind a lot of friends. And I feel like I'm drifting in a way. I don't really know what to cling to except Christ. A lot of the things I've been taught for the past 10 years seem like garbage now: ways to control people, control women, control children. As if the Gospel were a fantastic self-improvement plan instead of the water of life. I've found that I am so desperate for grace. My efforts are never going to be enough. No matter how many fancy plans I make, I will always fail. So I have to cling to One who won't. And I have to be quiet enough to let Him speak and reclaim the words that seem so twisted in my mental dictionary.<br />
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text John-4-13" style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></i>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text John-4-13" id="en-NIV-26170" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Jesus answered, <span class="woj">“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,</span></span><span class="text John-4-14" id="en-NIV-26171" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </sup>but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.<span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26171J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup></span> Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water<span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26171K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup></span> welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14</span></span></i></span><br />
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<br />
Looking at my daughters has changed my life. My girls are growing and asking questions about their roles as handmaidens of the Lord. And I'm realizing that the box many of the people around me are building for their girls is so, so small. That the yoke they've placed on young necks is anything but light and easy. <br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Matt-11-28" id="en-NIV-23488" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </sup>“Come to me,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23488AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)"></sup> all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23488AH" title="See cross-reference AH">AH</a>)"></sup></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Matt-11-29" id="en-NIV-23489" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </sup>Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23489AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></sup> for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-23489AJ" title="See cross-reference AJ">AJ</a>)"></sup></span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Matt-11-30" id="en-NIV-23490" style="background-color: white;"><span class="woj"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </sup>For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” </span></span></i><i><span class="text Matt-11-30" style="background-color: white;"><span class="woj"> Matthew 11:28-30</span></span></i></span><br />
<i style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="text Matt-11-30" style="background-color: white;"><span class="woj"><br /></span></span></i>
Serving the Lord where He has planted you should be light and easy. Not easy in the sense of "never being difficult," but easy in the sense of "wow, I love this pair of jeans." And for me, it has not been that way for a long time. (Would it not make sense that the One who made me would fashion me to fit perfectly in the role He has for me, but to chafe at the wrongness of an unfit spot?) <br />
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Right now I am waiting. I am asking and I am listening. I am considering seminary. Feels scary to put that into words, but I feel like there is so much I don't know and so much that I want to know. <br />
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I've just felt for the longest time like I was standing on the edge of a precipice and the tiny ledge I stood on was slowly shrinking. I felt like I could keep clinging to where I was and standing on the things I had been taught, knowing it was not a true safe place. Or I could listen to the Voice that beckoned and just jump, trusting in my Savior to catch me and bring me into a real green pasture of rest. <br />
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So I'm choosing to jump. To follow Him and trust that He still speaks. To believe that the One who made mountains also made me and has a perfect niche in this world just for me. <br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span class="text Ps-27-13" id="en-NIV-14299" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">I remain confident of this:</span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-27-13" style="position: relative;">I will see the goodness of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14299AF" title="See cross-reference AF">AF</a>)"></sup></span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-27-13" style="position: relative;">in the land of the living.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14299AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)"></sup></span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="text Ps-27-14" id="en-NIV-14300" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">14 </sup>Wait<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14300AH" title="See cross-reference AH">AH</a>)"></sup> for the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>;</span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-27-14" style="position: relative;">be strong<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-14300AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></sup> and take heart</span></span><br style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;" /><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Ps-27-14" style="position: relative;">and wait for the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>.</span></span> Psalm 27:13-14</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span>
Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-62265557243405308292012-06-11T17:02:00.001-07:002012-06-13T21:04:01.146-07:00Educating as unto the Lord<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T-02zk-sWgk/T9afEVHA2dI/AAAAAAAAArw/LGhBJL7BSYc/s1600/P1000212.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T-02zk-sWgk/T9afEVHA2dI/AAAAAAAAArw/LGhBJL7BSYc/s320/P1000212.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
We've been homeschooling for 5 years now.<br />
<br />
Five full, wonderful, stressful, exciting, exasperating, joyous, delightful years.<br />
<br />
<br />
And next year, <b>we're taking a new direction</b>.<br />
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My boys are headed to public school. Our plan has always been for them to go with Philip when they are in 5th & 6th grades (for those who don't know, my husband is a mad scientist/teacher at a local intermediate school). Nate wasn't quite ready last year, so he's heading off with Daddy for 6th grade. <br />
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And the little boys, well, that's another story. Gabriel went to speech pre-K this year at the elementary school. And he thrived. His behavior has improved so much (and we actually understand him when he speaks!) So we are sending him and Luke to the elementary school next year for K and 1st. They are excited and I am praying that more structure will help Luke in the way it has helped Gabe.<br />
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Which leaves me home with my girls. I'll have a 2 yr old, a 2nd grader and a 4th grader. I am so thrilled that I will have more time with Anna before she heads off with Philip to 5th grade the next year. I am determined to teach Abigail to read - a challenge for both of us as she struggles with dyslexia. Thankfully I'll have the carrot of "more time for crafts" to dangle before her! And finally, I am delighted that I can thoroughly and completely enjoy my last go-round with the terrific two's as Leah Claire heads into the world of preschool. <br />
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I've even found a new homeschool enrichment co-op (though I will miss my SACC friends mightily) that will allow me to have 5 whole hours to myself each week. (Imagine shopping alone! Or taking a nap!)<br />
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But I've gotten a lot of flack from friends about this arrangement. As if I have given up on my children and ceded them to the devil. <b>As if</b> <b>homeschooling is God's perfect design for children </b>and <b>public school is satan's playground. </b><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lWXbGCNw3D8/T9afyjkEoxI/AAAAAAAAAr4/JhjeRhtMqUw/s1600/P1000214.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lWXbGCNw3D8/T9afyjkEoxI/AAAAAAAAAr4/JhjeRhtMqUw/s320/P1000214.JPG" width="320" /></a>But I think that's silly.<br />
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God never said that we must homeschool. Sure, there is Deuteronomy 6:7, which says of God's laws, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Which homeschool zealots take to mean that we must have our children with us 24/7 so we can teach them God's laws.<br />
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But we have to remember that this command was given at a time when most children were with their parents 24/7 anyway. And most fathers and mothers worked in the home. We make a mistake when we read more into a verse than was originally meant. <b>When we read condemnation when it was not intended</b>.<br />
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I believe the whole counsel of God is clear. We should be teaching our children to love Him, follow Him and obey Him. But homeschooling is not the only way to do that. <br />
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I also believe that we should be preparing our children to function at the fullest of their capabilities in a modern world. That means giving them opportunities for academic excellence. It means not using the cop-out "what really matters is that they love the Lord. As long as they know the Bible, it doesn't matter if they know physics or chemistry." <b>Because academic excellence and a heart for God are not mutually exclusive. </b>The God who created our minds is glorified when we use them to our best ability. And He is shamed when we waste them for some sham of holiness.<br />
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I have to admit, after 5 years, I have realized that I cannot do it all with excellence. I cannot teach all 5 of my school aged kids to the level that I would like (at least not at this point). <b> I refuse to short-change my kids because of my pride.</b> <br />
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I hear "we have all our homeschooling done by noon" and "it only takes 2-3 hrs per day" on homeschool blogs all the time. But that isn't how it has looked for us. We start in the morning and I'm usually finishing with the last child at dinner time. We have been using an inclusive curriculum (Tapestry of Grace) that allows us to do many subjects together. But there is no getting around the fact that math, reading, grammar, writing and spelling have to be done individually. And when your dyslexic child's reading level is not the same as his comprehension level, you must read aloud most of his work.<br />
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Something's gotta give.<br />
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I want my children to love God wholeheartedly, but I also want them to be fully educated and prepared to do the things He has for them. <br />
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Homeschooling is a blessing. But so is our educational system. I challenge other moms to look honestly and prayerfully at the job they are doing with their kids and realize that <b>putting your child in public school does not mean you have failed</b>. It may just be one path God uses to grow your child and educate him. His Hand is not limited by your limitations. <br />
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If you cannot do it with excellence, maybe you need hand off the baton. And that is okay. I realize this may sound a bit judgmental, but I am getting so weary with the homeschool rhetoric. When I hear moms say things like, "Well, we were busy last year with the new baby, so we just didn't do math," it makes me sad. And angry. (Especially when the new babies come every year or so.) Raising your child to love God doesn't mean short-changing them educationally.<br />
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Or at least it shouldn't.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-81350387053763217932012-06-02T15:12:00.002-07:002012-06-03T06:23:36.867-07:00Special snowflake<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As I've been trying to shake the crazy patriarchal garbage out of my skull, I've been actively trying to befriend more folks who aren't super conservative Christians. It's nice to expand my horizons and meet people who challenge my beliefs. It's comforting to know that there are many, many people out there who love Jesus fiercely, but aren't swigging the dominionist patriarchal kool-aid. And it's good for me to hear honest critique of Christianity.<br />
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I often find myself reevaluating the things I hold dear. And realizing how silly, and frankly unimportant, some of the things we churchy folk do and profess. <br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NTjIJsYUFoQ/T8qLBYs0XnI/AAAAAAAAArY/dJ8L1YL2aRA/s1600/snowflake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="283px" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NTjIJsYUFoQ/T8qLBYs0XnI/AAAAAAAAArY/dJ8L1YL2aRA/s320/snowflake.jpg" width="320px" /></a>One specific idea that I've been wrestling with is the idea of a personal God. Conservative bloggers get mocked when they write things like, "Look at the gorgeous sunset God blessed me with," or "God really provided today. I went to the market and they had a surplus of apples. I scored several baskets for only $3 and canned a ton of applesauce." As if they were God's special snowflake and God does things just for them.<br />
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It can be hard to reconcile a God who helps me find my keys with the God of the Calcutta slums. Why does He paint me gorgeous vistas, when children across the world are living in a refuse pile or being forced into prostitution at seven years old? <br />
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Why does He care about my little needs when theirs are so big? <br />
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And I don't know. <br />
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I know that sin and decay have wrought destruction on our planet. One needs only pick up a newspaper to see the crime and corruption running rampant in our world. Famine, disease, war, greed, and pollution threaten millions worldwide. Natural disasters bury cities or sweep them out to sea. As a race and as a planet, we are broken.<br />
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I know that God has embarked on a dramatic rescue plan through His Son to redeem us and make things new. <br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XI0lkGQVXtA/T8qOStXDe6I/AAAAAAAAArk/aiNIEI0ynyk/s1600/starving_kids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211px" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XI0lkGQVXtA/T8qOStXDe6I/AAAAAAAAArk/aiNIEI0ynyk/s320/starving_kids.jpg" width="320px" /></a>But it hasn't come into its fullness yet. <br />
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The world still heaves with labor pangs. <br />
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But what does this mean in regards to a personal God? The One who knows every hair on my head? How can He care about my petty wants and seem to ignore the real needs of dying children?<br />
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Maybe that is the answer. <br />
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God really does care about my little needs. But only because He wants me to be whole. He wants me to be full and healthy and ready. Because this kingdom He is building comes through us, His church, His bride. And we have to be His hands. We must take the care we have received from the hands of our loving God and let it energize us to reach out. Let it empower us to reach the least of these. <br />
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It's the only way it makes sense. <br />
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Because a God who cares even the tiniest bit about your providential double coupon cares a heck of a lot more about a starving child. And He is counting on us to stop naval-gazing and give everything back. <br />
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We really are His special snowflakes.<br />
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But so are they. <br />
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<br />Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-23217386577928453882012-05-29T10:07:00.001-07:002012-05-29T10:25:15.701-07:00Why I am NOT raising my daughters to be "Maidens of Virtue."It's that time of year again: curriculum time! The mailbox has been stuffed with catalogs and my inbox is full of "for sale or trade" lists from other homeschooling moms. Something I see popping up over and over is curriculum for young women training them to be "keepers at home" or "maidens of virtue." And when I read about such things, my stomach turns.<br />
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Because I am not raising my girls to be maidens/keepers/homemakers. I am raising them to be Christ followers.
And I don't think that means they get a different education that their brothers. I don't think there is a biblical list of "godly girl character qualities" and a separate biblical list of "godly boy character qualities." <br />
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We are ALL called to be followers of Christ - to emulate Him. As we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, we are to show the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22). We are ALL called to mutual submission and deference (Eph. 5:15-21). We are ALL called to serve each other (Gal. 5:13).<br />
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I think we do a disservice to our sons and daughters when we catagorize virtues as male or female. As if all godly men are strong and brave, while all godly women are soft and sweet and domestic. What message does this send to the tomboys and artsy young men? What message does this send to boys and girls who don't fit the mold?<br />
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That the way God created them is not right. It's not good enough.<br />
That they have to change to be accepted by God and Christian society.<br />
That being a guy means being tough and taking on all the responsibility without showing fear or sadness.<br />
That being a girl means loving the home and sewing and cooking and cleaning.<br />
That guys cannot be soft without being wimpy or whipped.<br />
That girls cannot be strong without emasculating men.<br />
That God's desires for our character are dependent on our gender.<br />
That God has one mold for boys and one for girls and if you don't fit you are rebellious.<br />
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And I don't want to tell my children these lies.<br />
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I want my boys to be:<br />
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strong<br />
brave<br />
trustworthy<br />
patient<br />
kind<br />
fearless<br />
gracious<br />
merciful<br />
courteous<br />
gentle<br />
thoughtful<br />
caring<br />
joyful<br />
peaceful<br />
loyal<br />
empathetic<br />
wise<br />
persevering<br />
forgiving<br />
able to lead<br />
able to follow<br />
self-controlled<br />
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And I want my daughters to be the same.<br />
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Don't get me wrong. I want my daughters to be virtuous. And my sons as well. But I don't want to tell them that some virtues are male and some are female. God embodies all that is good. And we are ALL His image-bearers.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-23756563545670416832012-02-14T11:04:00.000-08:002012-02-14T12:05:08.678-08:00Taking the crazy out of packing the workboxes.So apparently I am not bright enough to delete photos on my new camera and can't find my memory card. So we'll have to go without visuals on this one.<br />
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I try to make packing the kids' workboxes as hassle free as possible. <br />
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Some of the kids' assignments are on the computer. For those, I laminated cards that say "Reading Eggs - 30 min" or "Teaching Textbooks, next lesson." <br />
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For the rest of the stuff, I have a general order for each kid. I wrote it out on a piece of paper, laminated it and keep in the front of their desk apprentice.<br />
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For example (keep in mind that Bible/art/history/science are all being done together):<br />
<br />
Luke's Boxes<br />
<br />
1: All About Reading<br />
2. Critical Thinking<br />
3. Handwriting<br />
4. Singapore Math<br />
5. Hands on (I try to pick one hands on math assignment here, like using C-rods or counting bears or another math manipulative)<br />
6. Blank<br />
7. Blank<br />
8. Reading Eggs<br />
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So, the ones with dedicated assignments are easy. I just put that book into the folder or magazine holder. For the others, things are more complicated. <br />
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On Sunday evenings I go over our TOG and science plans for the week. If there are any worksheets or projects that I want to do, I assemble them and put them in folders in my desk apprentice. I have a folder for each child. Some things may be appropriate for just the older kids or just the youngers, so I just print out as many copies as I need. I also spend a lot of time perusing Pinterest and other hs sites, so when I see a project or worksheet that any of the kids might like I print it and put it in their folder. <br />
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So each night as I pack the next day's boxes, I just go to that child's folder and choose whichever worksheets/projects I need to fill their boxes. I have a stash of logic puzzles I can use to fill boxes in another folder as well. And, of course, all the file folder games. <br />
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Doesn't take me longer than 10-15 minutes at most. And as I pack their boxes, I check the previous day's assignments.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-24062947081349145352012-02-06T11:34:00.000-08:002012-02-06T14:28:13.619-08:00Our new homeschool systemSo, as we've added pupils to the school, organization has become more and more important. When educating more than one child with a learning challenge, it becomes vital. This year, we began using a modified <a href="http://workboxsystem.com/">workbox system</a>. <br />
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She suggests dividing the work into 12 boxes per child, per day. Since we do unit studies, all the children are studying the same science, history, Bible and art. This means we begin our day on the reading carpet and listen as I read from our various "living books" (we try to choose more real books and fewer textbooks). We pray together and if we have an art project for the day, we complete it after carpet time. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-e_gyF9-9ctM/TzAfwqq2uyI/AAAAAAAAAnI/oOade8GX_gs/s1600/P1000211.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-e_gyF9-9ctM/TzAfwqq2uyI/AAAAAAAAAnI/oOade8GX_gs/s320/P1000211.JPG" /></a></div><br />
This year we put up a reading tree. Every time we complete a read-aloud, we add a leaf to our tree. Our goal is 1000 books between 10/11 and 10/12. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v2JUDVw8QfI/TzAgYKBmlMI/AAAAAAAAAnU/f1ImgT6JBEk/s1600/P1000203.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-v2JUDVw8QfI/TzAgYKBmlMI/AAAAAAAAAnU/f1ImgT6JBEk/s320/P1000203.JPG" /></a></div><br />
This is the whole school room: <br />
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You can see my desk on the left there, with my filing cabinets. The desk on the right side of mine faces the children's area and its drawers hold all of our colored paper and supplies. I also have a desk apprentice on that side with my stuff in it.<br />
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Yes, that is a dishwasher rack sitting on the left side of my desk. It is perfect for book storage. It allows me to flip through our current or future read-alouds easily. My file cabinet is full of file-folder games for the children's workboxes. These are easy to make games that reinforce skills the children are learning. Most include a key so the child can self-check.<br />
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Here are Luke and Abby's desks:<br />
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Each child's area has <a href="http://www.staples.com/Staples-The-Desk-Apprentice-Rotating-Desk-Organizer/product_597003">a desk apprentice</a>, a bookshelf, a desk, chair, and a light. Sue Patrick suggests using all plastic shoeboxes for the workboxes but we found that to be unwieldy. So we use a combination of magazine files, plastic shoeboxes and file folders.<br />
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Each day I pack the children's boxes/folders with their assignments for the day. If it is a workbook, I put a sticky note on that day's workpages. They begin with #1 and work through #8. As they complete each box/folder, they remove the number from the velcro and place it on their docking station. <br />
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Then they place their finished work in their worktub. (See the white tub to the left of his desk apprentice?) <br />
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I begin with Luke and work around to Nate. So I try to stack the older kids' boxes with assignments they can complete on their own in the early boxes. If they get stuck on a box, they can simply replace it in their folder and wait for me to get to them. <br />
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Each child has his/her own space to be responsible for. I tried to design cute docking stations for each child's numbers as well.<br />
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Here is Abby's desk:<br />
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And docking station:<br />
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Nate and Anna share the other wall of the school room:<br />
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The giant board up on the wall is our <a href="http://allaboutlearningpress.net/go.php?id=349">All About Spelling/All About Reading</a> board. I am in love with this O-G based phonics/spelling program and have seen all four kids growing in their spelling and reading since beginning this fall. <br />
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When we use the board, I just pull it down from the wall and set it against the end of the table on the floor. We do our assignment and then put it back up. This keeps Leah Claire out of the letters.<br />
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Here is Anna's docking station:<br />
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And Nate's (those are supposed to be Legos, no mocking the art skills):<br />
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You may have noticed a couple of extra squares on each child's station. Those are for "bonus boxes." Usually a board game or fun activity that they may choose to do when they finish school. <br />
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So there you have it, the Pfanstiel school system. Love to help anyone out or take suggestions!Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-79025683280531817392011-12-04T18:34:00.000-08:002011-12-04T19:54:23.873-08:00Strong men or wimps?Sorry for the absence. Things have been crazy around here (when are they not?) and I've been mulling over a lot of spiritual things. <br />
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I'm really struggling with the roles many Christian men and Christian ministries place on women. I'm struggling with the idea of telling my daughters that their dreams are limited because of their genitals. I'm struggling with a theology that purports to cherish women but limits and demeans them. I don't understand why "feminist" (a term that just means you believe that women are equal to men) is such a cuss word in the church, and I'll be writing about this more over the next few weeks.<br />
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But right now I want to talk about wimpy men. Or at least the idea that men are wimps. Many of my friends are very, very conservative. They talk all the time about how submissive we should be as women, and how their husbands are super strong, macho leaders. But when you really look at their behavior, it is clear that they believe their men are wimps.<br />
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A few months ago, we were sitting around talking at the park. We were discussing freedom in worship and several of them decided that it was "immodest" for a woman to dance during a church service. This came as news to me, since <a href="http://gracearlington.com/">our church</a> encourages freedom. Several of the women and quite a few children dance freely for the Lord during worship. We even have a team of college students that performs amazing dances on stage. <br />
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But for my friends, moving your body in the presence of men is immodest. It is apparently provocative to wave a scarf or shake a tambourine where dudes are around. (My friend Brandi says if she danced like that for her husband he'd laugh so hard he choked. It would definitely NOT be arousing!) I was incensed at their censure of the dancers. I could not believe that they thought their husbands would be turned on by a woman dancing for Jesus. But they shushed me, saying that we need to remember that we are our brothers' keepers. Their arguments have been nagging at me, and I finally figured out why.<br />
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Ultimately, in my opinion, the whole modesty/submission/husband-worship thing comes down to a view that men are weak. Men cannot control their desires, so women must cover their bodies. Men cannot lead if anyone questions them, so women must keep quiet and submit. Men will not participate in church if women teach, so women should shut up and listen. <br />
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Let's look at modesty first. I'm not advocating that we all run around nude or wear bikinis to the grocery store. But it is not the responsibility of women to control or protect men by what they wear. This kind of thinking leads to the whole "well, she got raped but she was asking for it dressing like that" kind of talk. Several of my friends think pants are not modest. They say that pants draw the attention to the crotch area and make men think about sex. (Are they aware that women don't really have anything in the crotch area to draw attention to? By that logic, men should wear skirts!) <br />
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All men are not the same and no matter how you dress, some guy will think you're hot. (Ask my husband, I practically dressed Amish when we were dating and there was no lack of lust!) It is a slippery slope when you make women the guardians of men's eyes. First you cover your knees, then your shoulders, then you're in a burka. Because you are a precious treasure, of course (insert eye roll.) <br />
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I understand the desire to shield your husband from temptation. We live in a culture saturated with sex. But my husband is strong enough to be around ladies in pants and not start humping their legs like our shi tzu. And I think most husbands are. We are calling our husbands wimps when we require women to dress a certain way to "help" our menfolk be faithful. (Modesty is more about action, in my opinion, anyways. You can flirt with a friend's husband just as easily in a skirt!)<br />
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The same reasoning applies to submissive women. I have heard so many of my friends say that they suppress voicing an opinion because they want their husbands to lead. I even heard a preacher (not mine!) saying that women should never lead Bible study for their children because their husbands should lead. The idea here is that if women step up, men will just fade into silence and allow their wives to lead spiritually. <br />
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But I really don't think men are that wimpy! Mine isn't. We certainly don't see eye to eye on every spiritual doctrine and he's not cowed by my opinions. He doesn't abdicate responsibility for teaching our children about Jesus just because I also teach them about Him. <br />
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Another friend was talking about how men won't participate in church if there is a woman pastor or Sunday School leader. Are our men that pathetic? Is their manhood challenged by a person with a spiritual walk, opinions, and ovaries? I don't mean to be crass, but ownership of male genitalia does not give a guy a special hotline to God. And I really don't believe that our men are that weak. That we must cover and cower and keep silent or they won't step up and participate.<br />
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If we truly think our husbands are strong leaders, they should be able to handle women who dress normally. They should be able to handle women who teach and women who have opinions. They should recognize that God has made all people to function according to their gifts, not according to their gender.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-50469159276213951442011-06-29T17:55:00.000-07:002011-06-29T18:09:05.043-07:00College boundI've appreciated the comments on my previous entries about patriarchy. I've had quite the rousing discussions happening on my facebook page as well. I think it is good to stimulate one another to think and pray about theological and cultural issues.<br />
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As I've said before, I think there is a need for restoration in the family. I think God has an amazing plan for families, and that plan has been distorted and warped by the enemy. Fatherlessness is an epidemic and divorce rates are sky high. I appreciate ministries like<a href="http://www.aboverubies.org/"> Above Rubies</a> that hold up a standard saying that God created motherhood and we should embrace child-rearing and loving our husbands. I am thankful that I found other Christians who taught me that children are a blessing and that I could trust God and accept a larger family.<br />
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But I still contend that there is a dangerous edge to some of these ministries.<br />
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A friend and I were discussing our daughters recently. She was saying how much harder it is to raise sons because their education is so much more important. She said that really, as long as her girls can keep house and balance a checkbook she feels she has done a good job. I asked if the girls would be prepared for college with such a rudimentary education and she just gawked at me. "I can't imagine sending my sweet girls to college! It's a horrible place! And why would they need to go, anyway? I mean, why spend money on all that when I know God wants them to be homemakers?" She then offered to lend me a book and video ( <a href="http://www.visionforum.com/browse/product/return-of-the-daughters/">The Return of the Daughters </a>and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Much-More-Sofia-Botkin-Elizabeth/dp/0975526383?ie=UTF8&tag=pfamilygal-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">So Much More</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=pfamilygal-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0975526383" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" />) so I could see the error of my plans.<br />
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As I did more research I realized that this is a <a href="http://byhisgraceandforhisglory.blogspot.com/2009/11/biblical-case-for-stay-at-home.html">common</a> and growing belief in <a href="http://visionarydaughters.com/">patriocentric families</a> and ministries. Ministries like <a href="http://www.visionforumministries.org/home/about/biblical_patriarchy.aspx">Vision Forum</a> don't come right out and say it is a sin for a girl to go to college, but they do say that it is poor stewardship of resources. Similarly, blogs like <a href="http://byhisgraceandforhisglory.blogspot.com/2009/11/biblical-case-for-stay-at-home_20.html">By His Grace and For His Glory</a> and <a href="http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2011/03/confessions-of-a-woman-duped-by-feminism.html">Generation Cedar</a> talk about how training girls to be homemakers is the only Godly plan for their lives.<br />
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The crazy thing is, I never heard Jesus say any of this stuff.<br />
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Once, He had dinner with two sisters. One wanted to do housework and cook, while one wanted to sit at His feet and learn. So, of course, since women are called to the kitchen and not to education, He rebuked Mary and sent her to sweep while the men learned, right?<br />
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No, our Savior praised the woman who wanted to learn of Him and told Martha she would do well to sit and learn with Mary.<br />
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I Corinthians 7:8 says , "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." Why? Paul goes on to explain in verse 34-35, "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."<br />
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Since Paul explains that remaining single to serve the Lord is a good thing, we can rightly assume that marriage and homemaking are not the only choices that should be available to Christian young women who desire to please God.<br />
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So, will my girls go to college? I expect so. Now, will it be traditonal four-year, live-away-from-home college? I don't know.<br />
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What I do know is that Philip and I believe God has amazing plans for each of our three girls. Plans that may include careers, home-making or a blend of the two. God has not limited them to the kitchen (not that there is anything wrong with the kitchen!) - but given each talents that they will use for His glory. I expect that our daughters (and our sons) will pray long and hard with us about what they are to do with their lives. I expect that as we give our input and they listen to the Holy Spirit, He will guide them. <br />
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Our sweet Susannah love science and art. I can see her being involved in a natural science, caring for animals or even illustrating texts about animals. Adventurous Abigail is crazy creative. I never know what she will sculpt next. I could see her doing interior design or becoming an artist. Little Leah only likes to crawl around and shove things in her mouth so far, so we'll have to see what talents and interests the Lord has given her.<br />
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But I know husband and I will support the girls in whatever endeavors the Lord leads them to undertake, whether that be wiping noses or wielding scalpels.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-34988474772195791322011-06-23T21:28:00.000-07:002011-12-04T18:56:29.930-08:00Seriously?So I've been writing about some of the teachings coming out of the conservative/fundamentalist church that I believe are, to varying degrees, toxic and extra-biblical.<br />
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I do agree that many of these ministries have some good things to say, and I have tried very hard to judge only the teachings that they have presented and not the hearts or salvation of the teachers themselves.<br />
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But this really takes the cake.<br />
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When I read it I had to step back and shake my head in disbelief.<br />
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It seems that Doug Phillips, of Vision Forum, <a href="http://www.visionforum.com/news/blogs/doug/2008/06/3854/">believes that it is murder to do surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy before it ruptures</a>. He thinks this is a tenable approach because <a href="http://www.lifenews.com/2008/06/02/int-770/">one random woman </a>in Australia carried an ectopic pregnancy attached to her ovary for nine months and gave birth via c/s to healthy baby girl.<br />
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It's good logic, you know, to make your case based on the strangest, most bizarre incident you can find (eyeroll).<br />
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What this man does not mention is the 40-50 women who die every year in the US from ectopic pregnancy. What he does not mention is that there are very, very few cases of ectopic pregnancies making it to the age of viability.<br />
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I would contend that this man is dangerous, and, dare I say it - cruel. There are well-meaning Christian families, many whom I know and love, who listen to Mr. Phillips. And if any of them feel his condemnation and misguided classification of ectopic pregnancy surgery as murder, they could be putting their life in danger for no reason.<br />
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Has Mr. Phillips had miscarriages? Has he wiped away the blood and had the cramps and cried the tears associated with the loss of life and a dream? I have. And I know many other women who have. It is heartbreaking.<br />
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I've never experienced an ectopic pregnancy, but I have held the hands of women diagnosed with them. As a nurse, I've cried with them as they were wheeled away to the OR for emergency surgery to save their lives. I've seen the vital signs dropping as a woman bleeds out from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I've pumped in the fluids and blood to try and save her. I've watched her color turn grey and her skin become clammy as her life drains into her belly. It can happen in minutes. I've seen women go to sonogram and be diagnosed with an intact tubal pregnancy. They can come back to their room and crash in just a few minutes. "Watchful waiting" is not an option when you can bleed out in five minutes.<br />
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But in <a href="http://www.visionforum.com/news/blogs/doug/2003/09/558/">Mr. Phillip's theology</a>, <a href="http://www.visionforumministries.org/issues/life/why_the_life_of_the_mother_is.aspx">a woman who has life-saving surgery</a>, knowing that there is no way the tiny life insider her can be saved, is a murderer.<br />
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And that is sick. It is uncompassionate, rude, cruel and unkind. Because these women are grieving the loss of their sweet babies, as well as usually facing reduced fertility due to the loss of the affected tube. I cannot see the character of my Savior in a person who would condemn the grieving mom. I see legalism, judgment and misogynism. I see a man, who, for all his talk about valuing women, sees them as expendable. <br />
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As the body of Christ, we should be weeping with those who weep and comforting those who are grieving, not heaping blame and condemnation on their heads.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-47846279688846542472011-06-06T13:29:00.000-07:002011-12-04T18:56:02.676-08:00FREEEEEDOOOOM - aka, why I am renouncing my prairie muffin credentialsI feel like such a fool. I remember who I used to be, the person my husband fell in love with. I was so joyful and vibrant and friendly and free. I read my journals from that time and I see such passionate love for the Father and openness to Him. And I just don't feel that way anymore.<br />
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My husband remarked the other day that I am so stubborn. That I dig in my heels and refuse to listen to his advice. And it's true. I am stubborn. I am loathe to receive any more instructions or corrections. But probably not for the reason he infers.<br />
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It is because I have been deceived. For the past 5 or so years I had been wading softly into the waters of Biblical patriocentricity. I had been reading things from Vision Forum, Ladies Against Feminism, Voddie Baucham and the like. And I felt so condemned. Because there is no room in these man-made philosophies for a woman like me. The only way for me to conform was by changing who I am. By changing from the person God made me into some strange Stepford wife. And when my sweet husband added any more advice or correction, no matter how just, I felt as though my knees would buckle under the burden. My relationship with God was so pathetic. I could not seek His Face because I knew it would be contorted with disappointment in my failure to conform to the requirements of the "godly."<br />
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But the Holy Spirit in me cried out against this. I was not made for this. I was not made to be a visionless sidekick. And I don't think that the Lord created half the population of the world to only be sidekicks. Christ did not come to deliver me to another set of rules. <br />
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The patriocentrists insist on uniformity in the body. All members should act alike. Personal preferences of leaders and fathers are exalted to the status of doctrine and to have a different take on things is labeled sin. Small verses are catapulted to stardom in their doctrines and whole ways of life are centered around minute portions of Scripture. "Forget the whole counsel of God," they seem to say, "we only need two verses from Proverbs and a snippet of Titus."<br />
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And it is all about control. Subjugate the women and make the men kings. Keep your daughters at home until the time comes when you transfer ownership of them to their husbands. Keep your sons working in the family business and spreading your glory. <br />
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So from now, on, I am not just Philip's helpmeet. I am Tamara, daughter of God. I am valuable to Him in my own right, apart from my position as wife or mother. I have been given dreams and passions apart from those of my husband and it is okay! I am capable and gifted as a woman. Not in spite of being a woman or only as an adjunct to a man. I am made in the image of God, just as a man is. The fact that an X chromosome sperm fertilized my mother's egg does not make me less in substance or stature before God than if a Y chromosome sperm had done the honors. <br />
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It is okay for me to occasionally need time alone. Despite what the patriocentrists teach, it is okay to go for a mani-pedi sometimes. I DO need a little me-time sometimes. I do need an hour or two to myself. It doesn't make me selfish, it makes my healthy and honest. I have six kid, for goodness sake! <br />
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I am valuable to God apart from my womb. I do not need to engage in militant fecundity to prove my worth or my devotion to Him. I can be okay with my hysterectomy and I do not need to self-flagellate in the presence of quiverfull women because I cannot bear any more children. I love babies, but frankly, my quiver is full at the moment. And that is okay. God has richly blessed me, but my hands are full! The patriocentrist ladies won't admit it, but you really cannot do it all! <br />
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Gabriel will be going to speech preschool at the local public school 5 mornings a week next year. And I am so grateful for the opportunity. For him and for me. Because I cannot teach 4 kids with a crazy preschooler at home as well as I can teach 4 kids with said crazy preschooler enjoying friends and fun at school. The patrio books/blogs would indict me for not training him better and for sending him to public school. But I have been honest with myself and realized that this is the best thing for all of us. I could insist that I am capable of juggling all these balls, but it would not be helpful to Gabriel or the rest of us. He needs the speech help and I need 3 1/2 hrs each morning to teach without constant interruption. And that is okay! Praise God that this service is available!<br />
<br />
This is not to say that I do not adore my husband or children. It is not to say that I am not unbelievably blessed to be Philip's bride and the mother of my six amazing kids. But those things do not define me. Christ and Christ alone is my portion, not motherhood or marriage or anything else.<br />
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It is painful to admit that I have been so deceived. That I have been like the foolish Galatians, adding law to the finished work of Christ. But it is true. And now that my eyes have been opened I just want to shout "FREEEEDOM!" The weight of law and condemnation is so heavy. But His burden, His teaching, His truth - they are so, so light. <br />
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I cannot reject the pestilent teaching of the Vision Forum and other Patriocentric ministries strongly enough. They are divisive and cruel. They cause strife and division in churches. They are not humble. They do not just present teachings for consideration. They call their critics names and abuse their character and their Christianity. I repent for ever believing their lies and ask all Christians to honestly compare patriocentric teachings with the Word, remembering that <i>description</i> in the Word does not equal <i>prescription</i>. Just because Abraham and Jacob were patriarchal leaders does not mean that God intends all fathers to own their daughters like chattel. They were ancient men, living in an ancient culture, and their habits are not commandments for us.<br />
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(PS: My husband did NOT push me in this direction. He wasn't slipping VF leaflets under my pillow or buying me their books. I was the one dragging him down this path.)Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-41334778784480653212011-05-30T14:02:00.000-07:002011-05-30T16:05:34.491-07:00What would Jesus protest?I was reading about that horrible <a href="http://www.godhatesfags.com/schedule.html">cult led by Fred Phelps</a>. I am truly repulsed by this man, and ashamed at the reproach he has brought to the name of Christ. (It's one thing to be a sick, hateful jerk, it's another to be a sick, hateful jerk and claim that Jesus made you do it.) I hate that people look as his brand of vitriol and associate it in any way with my Savior. I hate that this "preacher" takes verses from the Holy Scriptures and misuses them. It makes me ill.<br />
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I know we are called to evangelize. But when I read the Scriptures, especially the words of Christ, I hear a different command than the one Fred Phelps is hearing (which is, apparently, "insult folks into the kingdom"). I read the words of my Master and hear that I am to share the Good News. I hear that I am to share a message of reconciliation between an unrighteous sinner and a Holy God.<br />
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I understand that people must repent and realize their sin before they can be reconciled. I reject the watered down self-help gospel that does not require repentence. But I fail to see how calling names and claiming every bad thing that happens to America is a divine judgment is evangelism. Is this man making converts? Are sinners being reconciled with their God through his teachings?<br />
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Now I realize the Mr. Phelps is a pretty extreme example of a Christian picketer. I realize there are many others who have picketed at Pride parades and abortion clinics and other places who do not hold to the vile teachings of Mr. Phelps.<br />
<br />
But I still wonder what Jesus would picket. I wonder if He would be standing anywhere holding a sign of condemnation. And if He did, wouldn't it be in front of a "church" like Mr. Phelps'? In the Gospels Jesus saved His most scathing criticism for self-righteous religious folks. To the sinner He reached out with salvation, to those who thought themselves righteous He lashed out with condemnation.<br />
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If the Church is truly the hands and feet of Christ, shouldn't we be reaching out, promoting reconciliation and healing? Shouldn't we be bringing people to the Savior so He can restore shalom (wholeness) to their lives? Isn't the Good News more than just a judgment or a "don't" list? Have picket signs ever caused a sinner to turn, or do they simply strengthen the resolve of the foolish to continue on their merry way towards destruction?<br />
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I understand that we cannot stand for sin in our own lives, but isn't the Church most effective when we allow God to cleanse us first and then reach down into the pit and help folks up? I realize that the Cross is a <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%209:32-33&version=NIV">stumbling block</a> and the <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%201:18-25&version=NIV">ways of God seem foolish to man</a>, but can we let the Cross be offensive enough without adding the shame of our own nasty, hateful behavior? <br />
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I am not saying that we should be soft on sin. I am not saying we should lie about things that offend God. I am not proposing that we seek to please people with our words instead of Christ, or that we should allow our feelings to dictate our stance on subjects of morality. But I am saying we should clean house first. Focus on our own hearts and our own sin.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-60335154152897788082011-05-17T21:09:00.000-07:002011-05-17T21:41:50.555-07:00Called to judge?So apparently I'm becoming adept at stirring the pot.<br />
<br />
My last post led to a 75 comment long stream on Facebook. Some folks really agreed with me, while others adamantly defended the Pearls. Some folks called me judgmental and called into question my behavior as a Christian. <br />
<br />
So my question here is, are we allowed to judge as Christians? When? Why? Are there limits?<br />
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Nearly everyone is familiar with Matthew 7:1, "Judge not, or you will be judged," Offer an opinion on nearly anything that someone else doesn't like and you will be smacked in the face with this verse. But what does it really mean?<br />
<br />
If we continue down the passage we read, <span class="woj">" For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?</span> <span class="woj"> How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?</span> <span class="woj"><sup> </sup> You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." A companion verse is Luke 6:37, </span>"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." <br />
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Reading these, and knowing what my Savior said to the hypocritical, hyper-judgmental religious leaders of the day, it is easy to see that we are not to judge other people. I am not to look at another person's heart and condemn them. I should follow Jesus' teachings and treat others the way I would like to be treated, forgiving them as I would like to be forgiven. We know from the parable of the unmerciful servant (Matt. 18:21-35), that it angers God greatly when we, who have been forgiven an unpayable debt, hold others accountable for the comparatively small offenses they have committed. <br />
<br />
So it seems pretty obvious that we must develop a policy of charity towards others since we desire charity for ourselves.<br />
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But the issue becomes more murky when we start talking about behaviors and teachings. <br />
<br />
Pope John Paul wrote that Adam and Eve mistakenly thought that they could choose right and wrong. In reality, God alone can determine if something is right or wrong, good or evil. We only get to choose which side we will stand on (Josh 24:15, Matt 12:30.) Will we agree with God or pretend that we get to determine what is sin? It's a form of idolatry, really - enshrining one's own self and one's own opinion greater than God's. Because when we refuse to agree with God and call sin sin, we are really telling Him that we could do a better job - that our judgment is better than His. <br />
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So, for example, when we call abortion a sin, we are not being judgmental in a way prohibited by Scripture. Instead, we are siding with God, who hates murder and the shedding of innocent blood (Prov. 6:17, Ex. 20:30). I am not judging a woman's heart when I say that abortion is sinful. I am agreeing with God, who creates life and despises the killing of innocents. To say otherwise would be to tell God that I have better judgment than He does. (I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's a bad idea.)<br />
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Teaching is a whole 'nother ball of wax. Teachers are held to a very high standard of accuracy and faithfulness to the Gospel (Titus 1:9 and 2:1, Gal. 1:6-9). We are repeatedly admonished to evaluate teachings to make sure they line up with the Gospel (Acts 17:11). We should endeavor to separate our feelings about a teacher as person from our evaluation of their message.<br />
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I am sure the Pearls are kind and meek. My husband greatly enjoyed his time with the couple and was very blessed when Debi watched <a href="http://www.christiancinema.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=3114">his movie</a> and gave him a review. But I have a duty to separate those warm feelings from an honest evaluation of their teachings in light of revealed Biblical truth. And I find the books lacking in the Spirit of grace that I see the Bible. I also find them to be full of judgments and Law that will not bring life, but bondage.<br />
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I do not believe I am sinning in judging or evaluating the teachings of the Pearls. I have not judged their hearts, after all, I have simply judged the teachings that they have presented to the body of Christ. I would argue that not only is this an allowable practice, but an essential and beneficial habit for a maturing believer.<br />
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PS: I should add that the teacher's platform matters as well. The Pearls have presented themselves as Biblical child-rearing experts. This means they must be evaluated using stricter standards than someone who is just sharing informally about their parenting philosophy.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-62451011023889496572011-05-11T16:38:00.000-07:002011-05-11T16:38:03.327-07:00REAL parenting joySo yesterday I shared my reservations about GKGW. Thank you for your comments. I realize that many loving parents do use Babywise and don't sabotage their milk supply. I realize that doing GKGW doesn't mean your baby will scream in his crib for an hour until he vomits. Many caring parents use Babywise with common sense and do just fine. I thank those parents for extending grace to me when I say that it did not work for us.<br />
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And now I'm on to another Christian parenting book that is popular in my circle. <a href="http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/">No Greater Joy Ministries</a>, a fundamentalist Christian ministry that puts out several popular parenting and marriage books. I have read To <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Train-Up-Child-Michael-Pearl/dp/1892112000?ie=UTF8&tag=pfamilygal-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">Train Up A Child</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=pfamilygal-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1892112000" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" />, <u> </u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Greater-Volumes-Michael-Pearl-Debi/dp/B0012KU1A6?ie=UTF8&tag=pfamilygal-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">No Greater Joy (Vol. 1-3)</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=pfamilygal-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B0012KU1A6" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" />, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rebekahs-Diary-Rebekah-Pearl/dp/B000COB77E?ie=UTF8&tag=pfamilygal-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">Rebekah's Diary</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=pfamilygal-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B000COB77E" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" />, and <u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Created-Be-His-Help-Meet/dp/1892112604?ie=UTF8&tag=pfamilygal-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">Created To Be His Helpmeet</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=pfamilygal-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=1892112604" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" /></u>. They were all interesting reads, and did contain nuggets of helpful truth. But in the end, I cannot recommend them. My husband always encourages me to chew up the grain and spit out the straw, but at some point the grain-to-straw ratio becomes unpalatable. And the poisonous nature of some specific straw (is my metaphor breaking down here?) makes it dangerous to ingest. (Just ask the <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-6247502-504083.html">two children who died</a> because of its teachings.)<br />
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Let me explain.<br />
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My husband has dined with Michael and Debbie Pearl and says that they are kind, meek, loving people. I have some issues with their doctrines (KJV only, water baptism only, sinless perfection, etc), but I don't doubt that they genuinely love Jesus and desire to strengthen families. What I do doubt is their method and their general feelings about child-parent relations.<br />
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The Pearls say that their methods will work 100% of the time. If you end a spanking before you have achieved 100% outward submission and repentance in your child, you have failed. Which will make it even harder to break your child the next time. If your child flees from you, you should stalk them, hold them down and beat them. When you are spanking them, you should act like it's a big joke and pretend you have lost count of how many licks you have given and jest that you must start over. You should wear your switch around your neck so your children are always reminded of your authority. BUT, if you are steadfast and continue to whip your child until they repent, every single time they disobey, with utter impunity (and a smile on your face!) you will have completely happy and obedient children. <br />
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Most rational, thinking, loving people can read that and realize it is a load of hogwash (not to mention disgusting!). There is NO guarantee of a perfect outcome. God has disobedient children, who am I to think that I am a better parent than He? What we must do is PRAY! Often and in earnest! Ask the Lord what we should do and teach our children the Word from an early age.<br />
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But there are folks out there who do not have this common sense check in their spirits. Well-meaning, Christian folks who read these books and fall under a load of condemnation for their children's faults. Who read these books and think, "If I just spank more/harder/more consistently......if I just break my child's will....then I will have an absolute guarantee of their success!" And so they throw rational thinking to the wind and end up with dead children. <br />
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I understand the draw of a guarantee, but as attractive as that thought is, there is no biblical precedent for this. Instead we must draw near to God in faith and work with Him to train our children and LOVE them into the kingdom. <br />
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In addition to the sickening descriptions of spankings in the book, the entire premise of the parent-child dynamic seemed off to me. It, and books like it, seem to promote a ruler-serf mentality with children and parents. I am no permissive parent, and firmly believe that this is the time to be my child's parent - friendship will come later. However, I see no reason to be my child's adversary. I want to be his coach, his teacher, his cheerleader. The Bible says we are co-heirs with Christ. We are growing in grace and wisdom together and I see no reason to assume antagonism between my children and myself. Yes, there are times when they must submit to my leadership as the mother of the home. But they are also my brothers and sisters in Christ, and we, as a family unit, are trying to follow hard after Him. <br />
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I didn't want to write this. I had read parts of the Pearl's books and liked them. But when you know better, you do better. And I know better now.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-51610002700240207982011-05-10T14:40:00.000-07:002011-05-10T16:14:04.631-07:00Baby UnwiseI've really been enjoying <a href="http://threemomsandapodcast.podbean.com/">Three Moms and a Podcast</a>, a podcast where my friend Kaysie and two of her buds dish about different mothering issues. A few weeks ago they talked about the-book-that-shall-not-be-named (aka, <u><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Giving-Nighttime/dp/1932740082?ie=UTF8&tag=pfamilygal-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">Babywise</a></u>), and I've had a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head regarding GKGW and programs of its kind.<br />
<br />
I've mentioned it before, but when Nate was born, I thought this book was gold. We followed it like it was child-rearing manna from Heaven. Sure enough, he slept through the night by 8 wks, even though he was 4 wks early. But at a very high price - his early sleeping habits, coupled with scheduled feedings during the day and a full-time night shift work schedule, cost me my milk supply. By 5 months it had disappeared. <br />
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We used the program again with Susannah. And by 6 months I was struggling again. I managed to make it to 9 months, supplementing heavily with formula, when I became pregnant with Abigail. I tried nursing her while pregnant but she was no longer interested. <br />
<br />
Abigail's time at the breast started roughly. She was born 7 wks early and was only 4 lb 7 oz when we brought her home from the NICU. She never latched well and by 12 wks she'd weaned completely.<br />
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With Luke I was determined to do something different. I knew that God had made me to nurse. I had sweet toothless babies and breasts to feed them, but for some reason "God's way" wasn't cutting it. I was drying up far before it was time for weaning. So I went to a<a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1456775570#%21/pages/For-Babies-Sake/367598528172"> breastfeeding support group</a> as soon as Luke arrived. At first I was skeptical. All these hippie ladies sitting in a room with nursing toddlers kind of scared me. And when I mentioned how I didn't know how to boost my supply while doing Babywise, a hush fell across the room.<br />
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"You know," the lactation consultant (now my dear friend, Mellanie) said, "your baby didn't come with those instructions imprinted on him. He just knows he's hungry." I immediately went on alert. I knew about those no-schedule, family-bed marsupial parents. I'd been warned about them in my GKGW class.<br />
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But I kept coming back. And I saw that these ladies really loved their kids too. And many of them loved Jesus as well. And that GKGW <b>wasn't</b> God's way. It was <b>a</b> way that some Christians raise their children. And while it wasn't wrong in and of itself, neither was it right or holy or somehow perfect. <br />
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And I threw out the book. I still kept the basic routine of eat-play-sleep, but I let Luke set his own schedule. And he nursed past a year, almost all the way through my pregnancy with Gabriel. Gabriel, too, nursed for over a year and my supply was plentiful. Leah Claire is 8 months old. She still wakes a couple times a night, but she's exclusively breastfed and happy. My supply is abundant and since we cosleep it's not a big deal to drowsily nurse her in the night. (Frankly, with the noise and craziness of our daytimes, it's a special time for the two of us).<br />
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My point is not that <u>Babywise</u> is one hundred percent wrong, though I do have serious caveats about a book that undermines natural milk production and made me numb my soul to my maternal instinct to comfort my child. My point is that it is not God's way. Neither is Sears', or Pantley's, or anyone else.<br />
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When we were born again, God filled us with the Holy Spirit. As we became mothers, that same Holy Spirit empowered us to mother our children. We must listen to the still, small Voice of the Father and ask Him how we should mother, not some silly book. We should rely on the natural instincts that our Creator gave us to care for our little ones. And we should pray, often and earnestly, that He would fill us to overflowing with knowledge and wisdom to raise our children in the way that they should be raised (this may come as a shock to you, but not all kids are the same - my kids might have different needs than yours. That's why an omniscient God gave them to me!).<br />
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So let's give each other grace. I won't call my way perfect or anoint it with the "God's way" moniker if you will do likewise. Let's pray and support and encourage each other to seek the Father about raising all our kids to follow Him all the days of their lives.<br />
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Stay tuned - tomorrow I'll tackle <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Greater-Volumes-Michael-Pearl-Debi/dp/B0012KU1A6?ie=UTF8&tag=pfamilygal-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">No Greater Joy.</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=pfamilygal-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=B0012KU1A6" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" /> <br />
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(PS, thank you to my sisters for not punching me out, in Christian love, when I repeatedly gave them copies of the book. You know, back when I thought it was God's way.)<br />
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(PPS, now I'M the hippie, co-sleeping marsupial mom)Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-74935594248279922362011-05-09T14:35:00.000-07:002011-05-09T14:35:40.815-07:00Inspired to Action: Maximize Your Mornings.So, I'm realizing that I fritter away half the day by being unprepared. I don't have all my lessons planned. I don't have the kids' chores planned. I haven't had my quiet time. I haven't exercised. I haven't prayed. And I spend half the day playing catch up and becoming emotionally and mentally exhausted because I'm trying to figure out what I need to do while I'm trying to do it.<br />
<br />
So I'm committing to change. I'm committing to get up early. 6:30. And spend 1 hr praying, running and planning before the kids wake up. I'm participating in the <a href="http://inspiredtoaction.com/2011/04/maximize-your-mornings-challenge-registration-summer-session-2011/">Maximize Your Mornings challenge</a> . I hope you will consider doing it too.<br />
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<a href="http://wp.me/pnAs1-1dS"><img src="http://inspiredtoaction.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/HelloMornings5-15-8-15-border.jpg" width="200" /></a>Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-2437902269886385282011-04-11T19:55:00.000-07:002011-04-11T19:55:27.146-07:00CompassionRecently I got into a kerfuffle on Facebook about abortion. (I knew better, really. I mean, who changes their mind based on some FB wall posts?) I called it murder and was told that I needed to work on my compassion. I was told that Jesus doesn't judge. <br />
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Really? Because the Jesus I serve is kind of a badass. I mean, He knocked over tables in the Temple and drove the moneychangers out with a whip. In Revelation <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation%2019&version=NASB">He returns on stallion with a sword </a>and judges the Earth. <br />
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Now, I know, I am not Jesus. I know the <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%207&version=NASB">verse</a> constantly thrown in the faces of Christians. (I read recently that the most common verse known by unbelievers used to be John 3:16. Now it is Matthew 7:1-2.) I get that we need to be gentle with others and strict with ourselves. We need to self-examine before we point out others' sins. <br />
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But we also need to be honest. And call things like they are. Of course we should show compassion to individual women who have had or are considering abortion. Of course we shouldn't make death threats to abortionists or stone them in the street. <br />
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But compassion is a complicated. How do you show compassion for someone without condoning their sin? How do we reach out to women while still working to end the genocide that is abortion? <br />
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Jesus had to be the most compassionate person to walk the planet. But He still called sin sin. I don't think He wants us to stand idly by and allow the murder of innocents. <br />
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I've heard the same logic used to condemn evangelism. People get all peeved when they are called sinners. Have you heard some altar calls lately? I've heard some on TV that make Jesus sound like a magic infomercial panacea. But salvation is so much more than a "better life" scheme or a set of steps towards ultimate fulfillment.<br />
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How can one recognize their need for a Savior until they recognize their sin? And how will anyone every realize their sin when we bow to our culture's false idol of tolerance?<br />
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Compassion has to be two-fold. Kindness AND truth. Holiness AND love. Gentle AND firm. Because my Savior is all those things, and He is the one I want to emulate.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-3708120703842166802011-04-07T09:33:00.000-07:002011-04-07T09:57:38.335-07:00just an FYII don't hate the public schools.<br />
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Really.<br />
<br />
I know I am often quite vocal in my appreciation for the privilege of teaching my kids at home. And I do feel that the public school down the street was not a good fit for my oldest son.<br />
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But there are a lot of really great schoolteachers and workers out there. And I'm not just saying that because I'm sleeping with one. (Shhhh!)<br />
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I'm married to a teacher. My mom is a teacher. My step-mom is a teacher. And I know many, many more. There are many students who are learning fantastic things from amazing teachers. I cannot say this enough. It breaks my heart to hear homeschool moms bashing the public schools. Do we realize how hurtful it is when we malign all public schools in our small groups or churches, right in front of our Christian sister or brother who teaches in a public school?<br />
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(My problem is with the whole education model. I don't like a system that only values the kids with academic brilliance. I don't like a system that teaches kids that there are no absolutes, that all values are equal. And I don't like a system the causes children to value their peers' opinions more than their parents'.)<br />
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I am a product of the public school system and I am grateful for the education I received (especially in Mrs. Trusty's AP English class!) I know there are many teachers who are working within the system and making a positive impact on kids. And I thank them from the bottom of my heart.<br />
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I think as homeschoolers we must be careful not to engender animosity that is not necessary or helpful. Our enemy is not the public school system, nor the teachers within it. Our enemy is the enemy of souls, who delights in causing Christians to turn on one another instead of fighting him. <br />
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<span id="goog_1573582909"></span><span id="goog_1573582910"></span>Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-43452483538231916902011-04-06T11:37:00.000-07:002011-04-06T11:37:05.665-07:00You know THAT girl?The one you read about on the web.<br />
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The one who teaches her kids Latin and Sign Language in preschool.<br />
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The one whose kids excel at every subject known to man.<br />
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Who always has a perfect house and perfectly obedient children.<br />
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Who values punctuality and has immaculate systems for preventing lateness.<br />
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Who rises early to get at least 2 hrs with the Lord before her kids wake up.<br />
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Who takes her kids to every extracurricular activity under the sun.<br />
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Plus church.<br />
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Who takes her kids to feed the hungry and scrub toilets at the downtown mission every week.<br />
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But still has time to sew all their clothes, and prepare organic meals from scratch.<br />
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With vegetables she grew in her garden and eggs from her chickens.<br />
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Well, I'm not her. And I doubt you are either. I don't think this lady really exists. But it's really easy to read blogs and get a false idea about who we should be and what we should be doing. I have a tendency to synthesize all the ideas I get from blogs into some monstrous mommy idol. I somehow think that the lady who makes all the nifty craft stuff on <a href="http://www.filthwizardry.com/">Filth Wizardry</a> is the same one who makes all her own food on <a href="http://heavenlyhomemakers.com/about-us">Heavenly Homemakers.</a> But they can't be. Something's got to give. And one person cannot accomplish everything that this magical lady in my head does.<br />
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And I know this. Somewhere in the back of my head, I really do. But I still walk around feeling condemned because I'm not her. Because I'm not living up to some imaginary standards set by other folks. <br />
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And I get paralyzed by fear. And descend into inactivity because I know I can't do everything. <br />
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But all I need to do, all He has called me to do, is the next right thing. Listen to His voice and obey. <br />
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I need to ask Him what is important and go from there. Accept that I cannot do it all and focus on doing a fantastic job of the few things that matter to His heart. <br />
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People have been telling me for years that I should be selling the things I make. But honestly? I don't have time. And it stresses me out. Twice I have tried to open online shops only to get stressed and quit. I recently tried again. And I realized (sooner this time! Yeah! I'm learning!) that sewing adorable baby clothes for other folks' kids is not what God has called me to. I should sew for my own enjoyment for the people I love. Heck, I have a part-time job that pays well. I don't need another one.<br />
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But I do need to streamline. And prioritize. And run hard with the vision He has given us for our family. Which means dropping the extra stuff (good stuff, but not necessarily God stuff) and focusing on being excellent in a few things. <br />
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And not beating myself up because I'm not THAT girl.<br />
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Because she didn't exist anywhere except my head.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12457504.post-27559832500645106542011-04-05T10:30:00.000-07:002011-04-05T10:42:59.180-07:00I'm raising weirdos.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ke9KQzVJaCU/TZtN7VBh-5I/AAAAAAAAAmg/CRfNRePfFHw/s1600/gonzo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ke9KQzVJaCU/TZtN7VBh-5I/AAAAAAAAAmg/CRfNRePfFHw/s1600/gonzo.jpg" /></a></div>So, I'm pretty sure I'm raising weirdos. <br />
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No, not that kind. But I notice that my kids don't seem the same as the public and private schooled kids I know. I read<a href="http://www.homeschoolnewslink.com/blog/?p=629"> this article</a> yesterday and felt a bit better.<br />
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Because I don't want to raise "normal" kids.<br />
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I don't want to raise kids who tow the line and do what's expected and fit in perfectly. I don't want to raise kids who conform to the world's mold.<br />
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I want to raise world-shakers and soul-winners. <br />
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Sure, I want my children to be polite, well-behaved and able to get along with others. I want them to be hard workers and hope any employer feels like they are getting a really great deal when they hire my child. I pray that their spouses and friends feel enriched by knowing my kids. And I pray they are a blessing to their churches and communities.<br />
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But I do not worry about their socialization in the way most folks mean it. I do not want my kids to be conditioned to accept things on blind faith because a teacher said it or "that's the way we've always done it." I don't want my kids to ignore their consciences in order to blend in.<br />
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I don't want my kids getting lessons on how to be a better sheep. I want them to retain their wild creativity and sincere questioning. I want them to engage ideas instead of regurgitating facts. I want them to learn <i>how </i>to learn instead of just memorizing data.<br />
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Because honestly, if I'm not desiring a different product than the public schools churn out, I'm putting in a hell of a lot of work for nothing! And I'm way too lazy for that.Tamarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085186813410325845noreply@blogger.com4