hard words

So, can I tell you how much God has been showing me His love lately? (Aside from the rockin' awesome full over twin bunkbeds with mattresses He gave us for FREE!)

Philip and I have been in a rough patch in our marriage. Busyness, illness, finances and everything seem to have ganged up on us all at once. I had seriously gotten to the point where I wondered why I was married at all.

Then, a week and half ago, God spoke to me.

After our homeschool co-op on Fridays, many of the families head to a local park for a picnic lunch. My friend Bonnie (who lives over an hour away) called me as I was leaving co-op to ask if I was going to the park that day. I said yes, and she said she had been heading home, but the Lord told her to come back. We met at the park and began eating.

As the kids played, I started to share a little bit about what was going on in my life, really just expecting to vent (isn't that what we ladies usually do under the guise of sharing - complain about our spouses?) Bonnie wasn't about to have that. She gave me some gentle, loving and difficult to swallow words about my heart and my marriage. She reminded me that I cannot change Philip, only myself. She talked with me about submission, freedom, wounds and a lot of other things. I found myself fighting tears (and I HATE to cry in front of people). She and my friend Alysia prayed for me and I drove home sobbing.

For the rest of the day I cried and prayed while I made dinner and cleaned house. I felt like God was breaking something in me. Like a wall that had been erected in my heart was being knocked down with a sledgehammer. But at the same time, I felt a lightness in my soul that I hadn't felt in a long time.

I've been trying some new things this last week and a half. Like shutting my mouth when I want to be sarcastic. And really focusing on keeping the kids on a schedule. And things are improving.

The thing is, Bonnie and Alysia didn't give me what I wanted that Friday afternoon. I just wanted to gripe and have someone commisurate. They gave me what I needed, and I am so grateful. Proverbs 27:6 says, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." I wish more of us in the Christian community had the courage to give wounds when they are necessary, instead of applying superficial kisses that heal nothing.