Tuesday, July 08, 2008

More ER advice (Adults only)

Since it is summertime, I am working more while Philip is off from school. I am meeting some high class folks and want to share some wisdom I've gleaned from them.

Ambulances are awesome. But not the appropriate mode of transport to the hospital for your sore throat or runny nose.

I cannot tell if you are pregnant over the phone.

Nor can I diagnose your rash, tell you if your arm is broken or determine if you need stitches.

The ER doctor is NOT your primary care physician.

You did not get herpes from the toilet, you got it from sex, really.

You might need to reevaluate your life choices if you have to look in your date book to determine who might be the father of your baby.

A fever of 100.6 and 106 are two entirely different things. Decimals mean a great deal.

Abcesses or boils are generally NOT brown recluse spider bites. If you did not see a spider bite you, chances are a spider did not bite you.

I tell you that you are pregnant. You cry, "How did this happen?" Do you really want me to explain it? 'Cause I'm pretty sure the Immaculate Conception was a one time deal.

Vomiting one time does not mean that you need to go directly to the ER. Many people vomit and go on to live happy, productive lives.

If you are unhappy about your inability to afford a dentist for your 3 month toothache, perhaps you should stop smoking 2 packs a day, save the cigarette money and use that to pay the dentist.

Some holes are "out holes" and should stay that way, if you get my drift.

Tell us the truth about your injury. We will not believe you when you say you fell and accidentally had a plastic banana/glass bottle/lug wrench/etc shoved up your rear. We are not that dumb.

I'm sure there are more wonderful things I will learn from my patients this summer. So stay tuned.

7 comments:

Terra said...

I envy your ability to still get out of the house and work. I definitely miss it some days! *sigh

Lindsay said...

Going to "work" (one day a week for 3 hours) for me is relaxing - do you EVER get down-time?? The life of a mother...

Cherishing My Days said...

lol, tamara. that was too funny.
steph

Sabrina said...

Oh my goodness. I can completely agree with all your statements, it is as if we work together and respond to the same questions, oh yes and hello from a new blogger.

emilymomto3boys said...

dude, I am dying over the one about telling the truth about your injury.

Beedubya said...

seriously. I was drinking a coke when i was reading this and I can now tell you: Coke does not feel good flying out of your nose. I think I'll call an ambulance now. ;)

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