Educating as unto the Lord

We've been homeschooling for 5 years now.

Five full, wonderful, stressful, exciting, exasperating, joyous, delightful years.


And next year, we're taking a new direction.

My boys are headed to public school.  Our plan has always been for them to go with Philip when they are in 5th & 6th grades (for those who don't know, my husband is a mad scientist/teacher at a local intermediate school).  Nate wasn't quite ready last year, so he's heading off with Daddy for 6th grade.

And the little boys, well, that's another story.  Gabriel went to speech pre-K this year at the elementary school. And he thrived.  His behavior has improved so much (and we actually understand him when he speaks!)  So we are sending him and Luke to the elementary school next year for K and 1st.  They are excited and I am praying that more structure will help Luke in the way it has helped Gabe.

Which leaves me home with my girls.  I'll have a 2 yr old, a 2nd grader and a 4th grader.  I am so thrilled that I will have more time with Anna before she heads off with Philip to 5th grade the next year.  I am determined to teach Abigail to read - a challenge for both of us as she struggles with dyslexia.   Thankfully I'll have the carrot of "more time for crafts" to dangle before her!  And finally, I am delighted that I can thoroughly and completely enjoy my last go-round with the terrific two's as Leah Claire heads into the world of preschool.

I've even found a new homeschool enrichment co-op (though I will miss my SACC friends mightily) that will allow me to have 5 whole hours to myself each week.  (Imagine shopping alone!  Or taking a nap!)

But I've gotten a lot of flack from friends about this arrangement.  As if I have given up on my children and ceded them to the devil.  As if homeschooling is God's perfect design for children and public school is satan's playground.  

But I think that's silly.

God never said that we must homeschool.  Sure, there is Deuteronomy 6:7, which says of God's laws, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."  Which homeschool zealots take to mean that we must have our children with us 24/7 so we can teach them God's laws.

But we have to remember that this command was given at a time when most children were with their parents 24/7 anyway.  And most fathers and mothers worked in the home.  We make a mistake when we read more into a verse than was originally meant.  When we read condemnation when it was not intended.

I believe the whole counsel of God is clear.  We should be teaching our children to love Him, follow Him and obey Him.  But homeschooling is not the only way to do that.

I also believe that we should be preparing our children to function at the fullest of their capabilities in a modern world.  That means giving them opportunities for academic excellence.  It means not using the cop-out "what really matters is that they love the Lord.  As long as they know the Bible, it doesn't matter if they know physics or chemistry."  Because academic excellence and a heart for God are not mutually exclusive.  The God who created our minds is glorified when we use them to our best ability.  And He is shamed when we waste them for some sham of holiness.

I have to admit, after 5 years, I have realized that I cannot do it all with excellence.  I cannot teach all 5 of my school aged kids to the level that I would like (at least not at this point).  I refuse to short-change my kids because of my pride.

I hear "we have all our homeschooling done by noon" and "it only takes 2-3 hrs per day" on homeschool blogs all the time.  But that isn't how it has looked for us.  We start in the morning and I'm usually finishing with the last child at dinner time.   We have been using an inclusive curriculum (Tapestry of Grace) that allows us to do many subjects together.  But there is no getting around the fact that math, reading, grammar, writing and spelling have to be done individually.  And when your dyslexic child's reading level is not the same as his comprehension level, you must read aloud most of his work.

Something's gotta give.

I want my children to love God wholeheartedly, but I also want them to be fully educated and prepared to do the things He has for them.

Homeschooling is a blessing.  But so is our educational system.  I challenge other moms to look honestly and prayerfully at the job they are doing with their kids and realize that putting your child in public school does not mean you have failed.  It may just be one path God uses to grow your child and educate him.  His Hand is not limited by your limitations.

If you cannot do it with excellence, maybe you need hand off the baton.  And that is okay.  I realize this may sound a bit judgmental, but I am getting so weary with the homeschool rhetoric.  When I hear moms say things like, "Well, we were busy last year with the new baby, so we just didn't do math," it makes me sad.  And angry.  (Especially when the new babies come every year or so.)   Raising your child to love God doesn't mean short-changing them educationally.

Or at least it shouldn't.

Special snowflake

As I've been trying to shake the crazy patriarchal garbage out of my skull, I've been actively trying to befriend more folks who aren't super conservative Christians.  It's nice to expand my horizons and meet people who challenge my beliefs.  It's comforting to know that there are many, many people out there who love Jesus fiercely, but aren't swigging the dominionist patriarchal kool-aid.  And it's good for me to hear honest critique of Christianity.

I often find myself reevaluating the things I hold dear.  And realizing how silly, and frankly unimportant,  some of the things we churchy folk do and profess.

One specific idea that I've been wrestling with is the idea of a personal God.  Conservative bloggers get mocked when they write things like, "Look at the gorgeous sunset God blessed me with," or "God really provided today.  I went to the market and they had a surplus of apples.  I scored several baskets for only $3 and canned a ton of applesauce."  As if they were God's special snowflake and God does things just for them.

It can be hard to reconcile a God who helps me find my keys with the God of the Calcutta slums.  Why does He paint me gorgeous vistas, when children across the world are living in a refuse pile or being forced into prostitution at seven years old?

Why does He care about my little needs when theirs are so big?

And I don't know.

I know that sin and decay have wrought destruction on our planet.  One needs only pick up a newspaper to see the crime and corruption running rampant in our world.  Famine, disease, war, greed, and pollution threaten millions worldwide.  Natural disasters bury cities or sweep them out to sea.  As a race and as a planet, we are broken.

I know that God has embarked on a dramatic rescue plan through His Son to redeem us and make things new.

But it hasn't come into its fullness yet.

The world still heaves with labor pangs.

But what does this mean in regards to a personal God?  The One who knows every hair on my head?  How can He care about my petty wants and seem to ignore the real needs of dying children?

Maybe that is the answer.

God really does care about my little needs.  But only because He wants me to be whole.  He wants me to be full and healthy and ready.  Because this kingdom He is building comes through us, His church, His bride.  And we have to be His hands.  We must take the care we have received from the hands of our loving God and let it energize us to reach out.  Let it empower us to reach the least of these.

It's the only way it makes sense.

Because a God who cares even the tiniest bit about your providential double coupon cares a heck of a lot more about a starving child.  And He is counting on us to stop naval-gazing and give everything back.

We really are His special snowflakes.

But so are they.

Why I am NOT raising my daughters to be "Maidens of Virtue."

It's that time of year again: curriculum time! The mailbox has been stuffed with catalogs and my inbox is full of "for sale or trade" lists from other homeschooling moms. Something I see popping up over and over is curriculum for young women training them to be "keepers at home" or "maidens of virtue." And when I read about such things, my stomach turns.

 Because I am not raising my girls to be maidens/keepers/homemakers. I am raising them to be Christ followers. And I don't think that means they get a different education that their brothers. I don't think there is a biblical list of "godly girl character qualities" and a separate biblical list of "godly boy character qualities." 

We are ALL called to be followers of Christ - to emulate Him. As we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, we are to show the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22). We are ALL called to mutual submission and deference (Eph. 5:15-21). We are ALL called to serve each other (Gal. 5:13).

I think we do a disservice to our sons and daughters when we catagorize virtues as male or female. As if all godly men are strong and brave, while all godly women are soft and sweet and domestic. What message does this send to the tomboys and artsy young men? What message does this send to boys and girls who don't fit the mold?

That the way God created them is not right. It's not good enough.
That they have to change to be accepted by God and Christian society.
That being a guy means being tough and taking on all the responsibility without showing fear or sadness.
That being a girl means loving the home and sewing and cooking and cleaning.
That guys cannot be soft without being wimpy or whipped.
That girls cannot be strong without emasculating men.
That God's desires for our character are dependent on our gender.
That God has one mold for boys and one for girls and if you don't fit you are rebellious.

And I don't want to tell my children these lies.

I want my boys to be:

strong
brave
trustworthy
patient
kind
fearless
gracious
merciful
courteous
gentle
thoughtful
caring
joyful
peaceful
loyal
empathetic
wise
persevering
forgiving
able to lead
able to follow
self-controlled

And I want my daughters to be the same.

Don't get me wrong.  I want my daughters to be virtuous.  And my sons as well.  But I don't want to tell them that some virtues are male and some are female.  God embodies all that is good.  And we are ALL His image-bearers.

Taking the crazy out of packing the workboxes.

So apparently I am not bright enough to delete photos on my new camera and can't find my memory card. So we'll have to go without visuals on this one.

I try to make packing the kids' workboxes as hassle free as possible.

Some of the kids' assignments are on the computer. For those, I laminated cards that say "Reading Eggs - 30 min" or "Teaching Textbooks, next lesson."

For the rest of the stuff, I have a general order for each kid. I wrote it out on a piece of paper, laminated it and keep in the front of their desk apprentice.

For example (keep in mind that Bible/art/history/science are all being done together):

Luke's Boxes

1: All About Reading
2. Critical Thinking
3. Handwriting
4. Singapore Math
5. Hands on (I try to pick one hands on math assignment here, like using C-rods or counting bears or another math manipulative)
6. Blank
7. Blank
8. Reading Eggs

So, the ones with dedicated assignments are easy. I just put that book into the folder or magazine holder. For the others, things are more complicated.

On Sunday evenings I go over our TOG and science plans for the week. If there are any worksheets or projects that I want to do, I assemble them and put them in folders in my desk apprentice. I have a folder for each child. Some things may be appropriate for just the older kids or just the youngers, so I just print out as many copies as I need. I also spend a lot of time perusing Pinterest and other hs sites, so when I see a project or worksheet that any of the kids might like I print it and put it in their folder.

So each night as I pack the next day's boxes, I just go to that child's folder and choose whichever worksheets/projects I need to fill their boxes. I have a stash of logic puzzles I can use to fill boxes in another folder as well. And, of course, all the file folder games.

Doesn't take me longer than 10-15 minutes at most. And as I pack their boxes, I check the previous day's assignments.

Our new homeschool system

So, as we've added pupils to the school, organization has become more and more important. When educating more than one child with a learning challenge, it becomes vital. This year, we began using a modified workbox system.

She suggests dividing the work into 12 boxes per child, per day. Since we do unit studies, all the children are studying the same science, history, Bible and art. This means we begin our day on the reading carpet and listen as I read from our various "living books" (we try to choose more real books and fewer textbooks). We pray together and if we have an art project for the day, we complete it after carpet time.

This year we put up a reading tree. Every time we complete a read-aloud, we add a leaf to our tree. Our goal is 1000 books between 10/11 and 10/12.

This is the whole school room:

You can see my desk on the left there, with my filing cabinets. The desk on the right side of mine faces the children's area and its drawers hold all of our colored paper and supplies. I also have a desk apprentice on that side with my stuff in it.

Yes, that is a dishwasher rack sitting on the left side of my desk. It is perfect for book storage. It allows me to flip through our current or future read-alouds easily. My file cabinet is full of file-folder games for the children's workboxes. These are easy to make games that reinforce skills the children are learning. Most include a key so the child can self-check.

Here are Luke and Abby's desks:

Each child's area has a desk apprentice, a bookshelf, a desk, chair, and a light. Sue Patrick suggests using all plastic shoeboxes for the workboxes but we found that to be unwieldy. So we use a combination of magazine files, plastic shoeboxes and file folders.

Each day I pack the children's boxes/folders with their assignments for the day. If it is a workbook, I put a sticky note on that day's workpages. They begin with #1 and work through #8. As they complete each box/folder, they remove the number from the velcro and place it on their docking station.

Then they place their finished work in their worktub. (See the white tub to the left of his desk apprentice?)

I begin with Luke and work around to Nate. So I try to stack the older kids' boxes with assignments they can complete on their own in the early boxes. If they get stuck on a box, they can simply replace it in their folder and wait for me to get to them.

Each child has his/her own space to be responsible for. I tried to design cute docking stations for each child's numbers as well.

Here is Abby's desk:

And docking station:

Nate and Anna share the other wall of the school room:

The giant board up on the wall is our All About Spelling/All About Reading board. I am in love with this O-G based phonics/spelling program and have seen all four kids growing in their spelling and reading since beginning this fall.

When we use the board, I just pull it down from the wall and set it against the end of the table on the floor. We do our assignment and then put it back up. This keeps Leah Claire out of the letters.

Here is Anna's docking station:

And Nate's (those are supposed to be Legos, no mocking the art skills):

You may have noticed a couple of extra squares on each child's station. Those are for "bonus boxes." Usually a board game or fun activity that they may choose to do when they finish school.

So there you have it, the Pfanstiel school system. Love to help anyone out or take suggestions!

Strong men or wimps?

Sorry for the absence. Things have been crazy around here (when are they not?) and I've been mulling over a lot of spiritual things.

I'm really struggling with the roles many Christian men and Christian ministries place on women. I'm struggling with the idea of telling my daughters that their dreams are limited because of their genitals. I'm struggling with a theology that purports to cherish women but limits and demeans them. I don't understand why "feminist" (a term that just means you believe that women are equal to men) is such a cuss word in the church, and I'll be writing about this more over the next few weeks.

But right now I want to talk about wimpy men. Or at least the idea that men are wimps. Many of my friends are very, very conservative. They talk all the time about how submissive we should be as women, and how their husbands are super strong, macho leaders. But when you really look at their behavior, it is clear that they believe their men are wimps.

A few months ago, we were sitting around talking at the park. We were discussing freedom in worship and several of them decided that it was "immodest" for a woman to dance during a church service. This came as news to me, since our church encourages freedom. Several of the women and quite a few children dance freely for the Lord during worship. We even have a team of college students that performs amazing dances on stage.

But for my friends, moving your body in the presence of men is immodest. It is apparently provocative to wave a scarf or shake a tambourine where dudes are around. (My friend Brandi says if she danced like that for her husband he'd laugh so hard he choked. It would definitely NOT be arousing!) I was incensed at their censure of the dancers. I could not believe that they thought their husbands would be turned on by a woman dancing for Jesus. But they shushed me, saying that we need to remember that we are our brothers' keepers. Their arguments have been nagging at me, and I finally figured out why.

Ultimately, in my opinion, the whole modesty/submission/husband-worship thing comes down to a view that men are weak. Men cannot control their desires, so women must cover their bodies. Men cannot lead if anyone questions them, so women must keep quiet and submit. Men will not participate in church if women teach, so women should shut up and listen.

Let's look at modesty first. I'm not advocating that we all run around nude or wear bikinis to the grocery store. But it is not the responsibility of women to control or protect men by what they wear. This kind of thinking leads to the whole "well, she got raped but she was asking for it dressing like that" kind of talk. Several of my friends think pants are not modest. They say that pants draw the attention to the crotch area and make men think about sex. (Are they aware that women don't really have anything in the crotch area to draw attention to? By that logic, men should wear skirts!)

All men are not the same and no matter how you dress, some guy will think you're hot. (Ask my husband, I practically dressed Amish when we were dating and there was no lack of lust!) It is a slippery slope when you make women the guardians of men's eyes. First you cover your knees, then your shoulders, then you're in a burka. Because you are a precious treasure, of course (insert eye roll.)

I understand the desire to shield your husband from temptation. We live in a culture saturated with sex. But my husband is strong enough to be around ladies in pants and not start humping their legs like our shi tzu. And I think most husbands are. We are calling our husbands wimps when we require women to dress a certain way to "help" our menfolk be faithful. (Modesty is more about action, in my opinion, anyways. You can flirt with a friend's husband just as easily in a skirt!)

The same reasoning applies to submissive women. I have heard so many of my friends say that they suppress voicing an opinion because they want their husbands to lead. I even heard a preacher (not mine!) saying that women should never lead Bible study for their children because their husbands should lead. The idea here is that if women step up, men will just fade into silence and allow their wives to lead spiritually.

But I really don't think men are that wimpy! Mine isn't. We certainly don't see eye to eye on every spiritual doctrine and he's not cowed by my opinions. He doesn't abdicate responsibility for teaching our children about Jesus just because I also teach them about Him.

Another friend was talking about how men won't participate in church if there is a woman pastor or Sunday School leader. Are our men that pathetic? Is their manhood challenged by a person with a spiritual walk, opinions, and ovaries? I don't mean to be crass, but ownership of male genitalia does not give a guy a special hotline to God. And I really don't believe that our men are that weak. That we must cover and cower and keep silent or they won't step up and participate.

If we truly think our husbands are strong leaders, they should be able to handle women who dress normally. They should be able to handle women who teach and women who have opinions. They should recognize that God has made all people to function according to their gifts, not according to their gender.

College bound

I've appreciated the comments on my previous entries about patriarchy.  I've had quite the rousing discussions happening on my facebook page as well.  I think it is good to stimulate one another to think and pray about theological and cultural issues.

As I've said before, I think there is a need for restoration in the family.  I think God has an amazing plan for families, and that plan has been distorted and warped by the enemy.  Fatherlessness is an epidemic and divorce rates are sky high. I appreciate ministries like Above Rubies that hold up a standard saying that God created motherhood and we should embrace child-rearing and loving our husbands.  I am thankful that I found other Christians who taught me that children are a blessing and that I could trust God and accept a larger family.


But I still contend that there is a dangerous edge to some of these ministries.


A friend and I were discussing our daughters recently.  She was saying how much harder it is to raise sons because their education is so much more important.  She said that really, as long as her girls can keep house and balance a checkbook she feels she has done a good job.  I asked if the girls would be prepared for college with such a rudimentary education and she just gawked at me.  "I can't imagine sending my sweet girls to college!  It's a horrible place!  And why would they need to go, anyway?  I mean, why spend money on all that when I know God wants them to be homemakers?"  She then offered to lend me a book and video ( The Return of the Daughters  and So Much More) so I could see the error of my plans.

As I did more research I realized that this is a common and growing belief in patriocentric families and ministries.  Ministries like Vision Forum don't come right out and say it is a sin for a girl to go to college, but they do say that it is poor stewardship of resources.  Similarly, blogs like By His Grace and For His Glory and Generation Cedar talk about how training girls to be homemakers is the only Godly plan for their lives.

The crazy thing is, I never heard Jesus say any of this stuff.

Once, He had dinner with two sisters.  One wanted to do housework and cook, while one wanted to sit at His feet and learn.  So, of course, since women are called to the kitchen and not to education, He rebuked Mary and sent her to sweep while the men learned, right?

No, our Savior praised the woman who wanted to learn of Him and told Martha she would do well to sit and learn with Mary.

I Corinthians 7:8 says , "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." Why? Paul goes on to explain in verse 34-35, "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Since Paul explains that remaining single to serve the Lord is a good thing, we can rightly assume that marriage and homemaking are not the only choices that should be available to Christian young women who desire to please God.

So, will my girls go to college?  I expect so.  Now, will it be traditonal four-year, live-away-from-home college?  I don't know.

What I do know is that Philip and I believe God has amazing plans for each of our three girls.  Plans that may include careers, home-making or a blend of the two.  God has not limited them to the kitchen (not that there is anything wrong with the kitchen!) - but given each talents that they will use for His glory.  I expect that our daughters (and our sons) will pray long and hard with us about what they are to do with their lives.  I expect that as we give our input and they listen to the Holy Spirit, He will guide them. 

Our sweet Susannah love science and art.  I can see her being involved in a natural science, caring for animals or even illustrating texts about animals.  Adventurous Abigail is crazy creative.  I never know what she will sculpt next.  I could see her doing interior design or becoming an artist.  Little Leah only likes to crawl around and shove things in her mouth so far, so we'll have to see what talents and interests the Lord has given her.

But I know husband and I will support the girls in whatever endeavors the Lord leads them to undertake, whether that be wiping noses or wielding scalpels.